I’m writing this week’s column from a plane again, so my thoughts might be more scattered than usual — but I figure that’s probably okay, because the show’s been pretty scattered itself lately.
As I’ve mentioned a few times since starting Critical Diagnosis, there can be a lot to look forward to when a show’s writing regime departs and is replaced by a new team; even if it doesn’t last long, there’s often a spark of new energy that comes from dumping storylines that aren’t working, finding new ways to use characters, and simply approaching the canvas from a different angle. The downside to this phenomenon — and it’s something we’ve experienced more than once lately — is the period leading up to that turnover, when major developments are slowed and the overall pacing becomes herky-jerky as a result.
This is what I think we’re seeing from General Hospital at the moment. There’s plenty of incident, but there’s also a palpable sense of drift; for a few weeks now, it’s felt like everyone is just sort of standing around, waiting for something to happen. And since we know that the “something” the show is waiting for involves the return of one Jason Morgan, my doldrums are heavily laced with a feeling of dread.
All of which is to say that I feel like this is probably going to be another edition of Critical Diagnosis that tilts toward the negative… but maybe if the flight attendants bring me enough cocktails while I write this, I’ll end up seeing things in a rosier light. Let’s dive in and see where last week’s episodes take us.
Stoned
Once again, the “mystery assassin targeting mob bosses” story took center stage last week, starting with a deeply annoying conversation between Carly and Joss that took place after Carly showed up at Dex’s apartment looking for him and found her daughter instead. Essentially, it went like this: Joss told Carly what Sonny had done to Dex, Carly repeatedly told her it could be worse, and in the end, Joss stomped off, determined to find Dex anyway. She followed through on this later in the week when, after monopolizing a conversation with Trina that should have been about Trina’s grief over Spencer’s death but instead became about Joss pining for her exiled boyfriend, she approached Spinelli and asked him if he could pinpoint a person’s location by using their cell phone number.
Since he arrived on the show, GH has always loved a deus ex Spinelli plot device; so fearsome are his tech skills that he can, at a moment’s notice, hack into any server anywhere and gain access to security camera footage, banking activity, or anything else the writers need found — unless, that is, they’ll get more story out of it if there’s some unforeseen and insurmountable obstacle in Spinelli’s way. I don’t know which direction they intend to go with this, but no matter what they do, it’s absurd to suggest that Sonny would force Dex to give up his identity and leave town, but let him keep his phone.
Well, whatever. On the list of things the writers could give Spinelli to do, this nonsense is still less painful than making him perform during karaoke night at Charlie’s. (More on that in a bit. Or in the bullet points, whichever I have more patience for.)
While Joss was determined to find Dex, Anna and Dante were determined to figure out who bought the stolen cache of WSB-confiscated weaponry from O’Neil — and Anna teamed up with Laura to try and solve the case with an assist from Cyrus, of all people. She went to the PC Grill to try and talk Cyrus into using his position as the honorary chaplain at Pentonville in order to gain O’Neil’s trust and get him to give up the identity of the weapons buyer; when he balked, Laura walked in and gave him a hard sell, saying that if he really wanted to get into her good graces, then collaborating with Anna and the PCPD would be a great way to convince her he’d turned over a new leaf.
Naturally, Cyrus agreed, and before long, he was one on one with O’Neil and wearing a wire while Anna and Dante listened in. But just when it seemed like O’Neil was ready to spill his guts, Heather busted in and started screaming at Cyrus, accusing him of using his relationship with Laura to gain early release from prison and blaming him for Esme’s death; meanwhile, on the other side of the wall, Anna and Dante were interrupted by Jagger/John/Johngger, who threatened to shut the whole operation down. Anna barked back that if he followed through on that threat, she’d go to his boss and tattle, but it all ended up being fairly moot thanks to Heather’s outburst.
Still, all was not lost. After the dust settled, Cyrus shared the news that O’Neil was reluctant to talk because he’s convinced that no one can protect him in Pentonville, not even the cops or the feds — specifically because the big boss behind the mob shootings is a ghost. “He doesn’t exist,” explained Cyrus. “He’s dead.”
While all that was going down, Sonny was in the midst of a fairly busy week of his own. He started things off by asking Diane to serve Nina with divorce papers, and then took a meeting with Selina, who was none too pleased that it took a phone call from Curtis to inform her that a mobster killer is on the loose. She even went so far as to threaten to break their alliance, but ultimately, cooler heads prevailed; in fact, Selina invited Sonny to her estate, where she was keeping a guard she’d caught taking bribes following a thwarted attempt on her life. Suggesting Sonny could be more persuasive than her own men, she agreed to let him interrogate her traitor — in exchange, that is, for Sonny’s permission to start up her poker game again.
Trading some Port Charles gambling activity for the chance to save his own skin, Sonny grabbed some gardening shears and threatened to make the traitor hurt; just like that, the guy spilled, blabbering that he’d do anything to keep from being murdered. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the name of his contact — but he had overheard some talk about the big boss, who he said “goes by the name Stone.”
GH has been telegraphing this pretty heavily, so it shouldn’t really come as much of a surprise to anyone. It still led to a fair bit of (albeit artificially inflated) tension, with a rattled Sonny getting even more upset by the notion that whoever’s after him is also using the memory of Stone Cates to get under his skin. After returning to the penthouse, he (deep sigh) threw a glass before having a genuinely engaging conversation with Ava in which the two of them shared their experiences with grief — Ava over Kiki, Sonny over all the people he “couldn’t save” — and then chuckled about how weird it is that they’re actually bonding on a personal level after everything they’ve been through. When we left Sonny at the end of the week, he was taking off his wedding ring and leaving it on the mantel.
I went into all this last week, but again: I can’t see any interesting destination here, at least not in terms of anything leading to story that remains viable over the long term. Given that GH viewers are well aware that Steve Burton is coming back soon, it seems fairly obvious that the show wants us to think Jason is behind all this. Given that no one in Port Charles can stop talking about him lately, I think it’s probably more likely that Morgan STONE Corinthos is on his way back from the dead with an axe to grind against the mafia wars that led to him ending up on the wrong end of a car bomb, but either way, where can any of this possibly go?
If it’s Jason, then we know he’ll be back to doing what he’s always done within a year. If it’s Morgan, then… well, same thing, really, although we’ll be forced to endure a series of tearful apologies first. Either way, we know Sonny isn’t going to die and he isn’t going to retire and nothing at all will actually change. Again, it’s incident rather than story, and if this is anything close to what it looks like, it really reeks of desperation. It’s one thing to exhume Jason’s tired-ass corpse yet again; it’s quite another, and far worse, to do it without a long-term plan for his return that fails to amount to anything more than “same character, but different.” If Sonny wasn’t the most heavily plot-armored character I can think of, we’d have something; the idea of a mob boss so entrenched in his own toxic power that he’s become a target for his own child and/or longtime partner is one worth exploring. But we aren’t going to get that here — and believe me, if I’m wrong, I’ll be thrilled to admit it.
Invaded
The idea of Valentin and Nina back in cahoots — particularly with the shared goal of screwing with Carly and Drew — was too intriguing for even the GH writers to bungle. Shortly after waving off Valentin’s offer to help her get her own publication off the ground — and then watching as Drew bullied her contacts into not working with her — Nina changed her mind and accepted, just in time for Valentin to purchase the Invader from Shawn Butler and name her the paper’s new publisher.
Alexis, of course, was less than thrilled upon hearing the news — and she would become even more unenthused after Nina told her she wanted the paper to make space for a syndicated gossip columnist. This is obviously counter to Alexis’ ongoing efforts to change the Invader from a tabloid into a serious media outlet, but Nina has other priorities — namely, “sexing up” the joint by making Carly and Drew’s relationship fodder for readers seeking cheap thrills.
There might be something to work with here, although for the moment, it feels like a different flavor of all the nonsensical, hyperventilating arguments that the writers seem to think we want to see whenever the Davis girls get together. Alexis is uptight and neurotic, but she’s also very smart; I’d much rather see her try and work around Nina by using her sharp intellect than watch her sputter helplessly to Gregory as he pontificates about how a gossip columnist might not be the worst thing for the Invader. It all feels like the show’s nervous that no one will care about this stuff unless someone (inevitably Alexis) is yelling about it, and right now, I’m really not feeling it.
The silver lining to this cloud? The argument that erupted between Carly and Drew after Nina coolly informed them that she’d become the Invader’s publisher, and followed that bombshell by not-so-subtly hinting that the paper could definitely be used as a weapon against them. Once Nina was gone, Carly lit into Drew, demanding to know why he thought it’d be a good idea to antagonize Nina and reminding him that the first condition of her continued tenure as EIC of Crimson was him agreeing to drop his vendetta. Fundamentally, this was a classic soap scene, at least insofar as it was largely made up of characters repeating stuff they’d said repeatedly before, but there were some interesting digressions — including Drew accidentally blurting out that he went to prison for Carly. In general, I dislike it when soaps make a giant deal out of a character acting Very Different All of a Sudden, especially when it seems like a good bet that it’s a prelude to the character in question being written off the show. I’ll take it where Drew is concerned, though, because this version of the character has wavered between genially useless and downright annoying, and I’m quite ready for him to disappear for a while.
Anyway, Carly ended the argument by quitting her post and walking out. We’ll see how long that lasts. If she refuses to come back, maybe Drew can hire Jackie Templeton to run Crimson. Or Shep Casey.
I could go on, but I’ve probably gone on long enough. I’ll leave you with these bullet points for now, and meet you back here next week:
• Brook Lynn badgered Tracy into admitting she has feelings for Gregory, then encouraged her to invite him to the wedding — but before she could, Gregory mentioned that Alexis was his plus one
• Marshall told Stella that it’s more or less official that he was misdiagnosed as schizophrenic all those years ago; after he loudly lamented all the lost time (snidely be bop de bop de jam), she placed a phone call to Felicia
• Robert told Valentin and Laura that his office wouldn’t be pursuing charges against Charlotte, provided she agrees to therapy, three years of probation, and a thousand hours of community service; Valentin angrily accused Robert of going after him through his daughter
• Valentin suggested that Nina get Sonny’s attention by refusing to grant him a divorce
• Robert and Diane had a midafternoon hotel hookup
• Cody and Sasha conspired to get Spinelli and Maxie together during karaoke night at Charlie’s, which kind of worked (they kissed) and kind of didn’t (Maxie scurried out immediately thereafter)
• Lucy figured out that Brook Lynn’s plotting against Tracy; when Brook Lynn asked her for the price of her silence, she said “I want in”
• Sam and Danny talked about Jason at the bridge
• Kristina had some unexpected feelings of maternal ownership during her first ultrasound, and then got naked with Blaze
Comments
Post a Comment