Critical Diagnosis: Week of June 2, 2025 - June 6, 2025 by Jeff Giles

Apologies for the late column this week, folks! I could bore you with the details, but I'll just say that sometimes, life gets in the way. Still, I have a duty here, and it will not be denied — so let's get down to business.

Birthing Miss Daisy

I guess one good thing about all the ass-dragging General Hospital indulged in over the last however many months is the way that, when the writers finally decided to shift into gear, they had no shortage of options for stories that were more than ready to deliver explosive drama. Case in point: Mere days after treating us to the canvas-shaking public reveal of Gio's parentage, followed by the first few molten drops of its volcanic fallout, GH immediately pivoted to the Michael vs. Willow custody hearing, which turned out to be about a thousand times more interesting than I would have suspected.

A lot of this has to do with Rory Gibson as the new Michael. I know some of you are withholding judgment until this version of the character proves he isn't the same mewling Motherboy who bored us to tears when the part was being played by Chad Duell's pursed lips, and I completely understand that, but for now, I'm enjoying Michael for the first time in as long as I can remember. I still think Gibson's probably a bit young to be convincing as a CEO who's been to prison, bedded a lengthy list of dead women, and fathered three children, but that isn't his fault; Michael wasn't canonically born until late 1997, so there's only so much he can do. At least he brings a darkness and an edge to the character that we haven't seen since Drew Garrett was in the role.

All of which is very necessary right now, because this custody battle has become a full-on war — mainly courtesy of Nina, who took what she knew about Michael humping Sasha and took it to Ric, who surprised everyone (including the audience) by ambushing Sasha when he had her on the stand. When he asked her to pinpoint the last time she had sex with Michael, she either had to lie or let everyone in the courtroom know he's the father of her baby, and she chose the latter — right before going into labor in the middle of the hearing. Ric tried to dismiss it as "cheap theatrics," but that was just wishful thinking; in a matter of moments, the courtroom was cleared, Willow volunteered to run the delivery, and the newest addition to the canvas was born. Everyone say hello to Daisy, the first character to have Quartermaine, Scorpio, and Spencer blood.

Now that everyone knows Michael and Sasha's dirty secret, you'd think Drew could relax, safe in the knowledge that his argument for full custody has taken a presumably fatal blow. He might have been inclined to do just that, if he hadn't happened to spot Willow, Michael, Wiley, and Amelia gathered outside the GH nursery, smiling and waving at the new arrival; after seeing that, he put the next stage of his devious plan in motion. (More on that in the next column.)

I don't want to say anything I might regret later, but as of right now, I have to admit that replacing Duell with Gibson has gone a long way toward making this storyline the right kind of messy. Michael and Sasha have a spark now, and he seems like a much more formidable foe for Drew. Of course, it helps that we really haven't had much time with this Michael, and he's had very few moments to just sort of talk with other characters and explain his point of view. He's a stormy mystery, at least for the moment, and I'm equal parts surprised and delighted. I'm also quite happy to see a mercifully quick end to the farce of Jason pretending to be the father of Sasha's baby. The fact that all this came out courtesy of another masterful courtroom appearance from Ric is just the cherry on the soapy sundae.

Speaking of soapy, the aftermath of Sasha's dramatic reveal included Carly outing Nina to Drew as the person responsible for his drugging. Drew was initially all set to tell Willow, but Nina threatened to take him down with her by confessing to her gross affair with him, so these two remain locked in a stalemate. Honestly, I'd be perfectly fine with things staying this way; plenty of other characters have never been caught after doing bad things, and on the dastardly daytime continuum, hate sex with your daughter's adulterous beau ranks pretty damn low. Drew is clearly destined to be run out of town one way or another, and Nina has already been pilloried for plenty of things. Her disgusting sex with Congressman Cain can stay buried forever, as far as I'm concerned.

Daddy Issues

Daisy's birth ate up a lot of airtime last week, to the extent that the fallout from Gio's big reveal ended up pretty squarely on the back burner. We didn't see much in terms of forward motion: Dante told Rocco he has a new brother, Gio asked Sonny if he knew they were related all those years he was paying for Gio's music education, Dante (ugh) apologized to Sonny for the way he acted when he found out they were father and son. The biggest development is probably the fight that erupted between Brook Lynn, Lois, and Gloria, who were later joined by Gio. Gloria led the charge on behalf of Lois, telling Brook Lynn and Gio that they basically needed to suck it up and treat their elders with respect; this was, unsurprisingly, an argument that didn't hold much water with Brook Lynn and Gio, both of whom attacked Gloria and Lois for the many years they spent perpetuating a lie. In the end, Brook Lynn threw Lois and Gloria out of the Quartermaine mansion, which Tracy has got to be pissed about missing.

Oh, and Gio is staying with Anna and Emma while he figures out what happens next — which could take some time, given that his only source of income is his job as a lifeguard at the Metro Court pool.

Seduction 101

Speaking of Emma, she may have lost out on the gig as Dalton's research assistant, but she definitely hasn't given up on her mission to take him down. If she can't do it in the lab, she seems willing to try and make it happen in the bedroom — at least, that's what it seems like now that she's used her bikini-clad butt to get his attention at the Metro Court pool. This is a darkly skeevy direction for GH to go, but I'm provisionally interested in seeing where it leads, if only because I've become such a big fan of Braedyn Bruner as Emma. Even though these characters are like 30 years apart, this Emma has enough of a savvy, world-weary demeanor about her to at least hint at the possibility that someone like Dalton would find her impossible to resist — especially if she's poolside and batting her eyes at him.

The Dalton story got a little motion last week, partly courtesy of Emma's Lolita-like overtures, and partly because Joss happened to stop by the pool just as he was sitting down for a meeting with Sidwell and Jordan. Because the writers are currently busy plugging Sidwell into any story they can, it makes perfect sense that he's bankrolling Dalton's research, which we now know is working toward a vaguely defined clean energy that could "change the world." One has to assume this technology could be weaponized, otherwise it's hard to imagine why the WSB would care, but whatever; dating back to before the DVX, many of GH's espionage stories have been loosely constructed.

What matters right now is that Anna has definitely become aware of Emma's unusual interest in Dalton, and she's doing what any super-spy grandmother would do — namely, trying to dig up dirt on Dalton before Emma gets herself in way over her head. Because the current version of Anna is at least semi-stupid at all times, she led off her investigation by summoning Brennan to her office and asking for his help; after being shut down by Brennan, she turned to Jason, sweetening the pot by assuring him that he'd also be helping Carly, given that Joss is working for Dalton. (Their conversation was interrupted by ADA Turner, who made it clear that she was gunning for Robert's job.) Brennan, meanwhile, told Vaughn that Anna was asking questions. Vaughn assured Brennan that he knows how to handle Anna, which had goddamn well better not be true — if that "Sawyer from Lost" wannabe can get the best of her, I'm filing a class action lawsuit against this entire network.

I Love You Goodbye

Finally, last week brought the surprising news that Jonathan Jackson's supposedly long-term stay was coming to an abrupt end, with Lucky flitting away again less than a year after he returned to Port Charles. My point of view on this — which is shared by a lot of people, if social media activity's anything to go on — is that Lucky's latest stint has been such a miserable dud that people are actively happy to see him leave, which only underscores what a colossal waste of time and money the whole thing has been.

It happened fast. Last Monday, Lucky finally found the stones to tell Elizabeth he'd been keeping the truth of her accident from her, and he confessed that not only was Kristina the one responsible for what happened, but that he'd actively assisted her in the cover-up. Elizabeth was revoltingly understanding, and although she initially seemed inclined to go to the cops — pointing out that doing so might help prevent Kristina from snapping and making another attempt on Ava's life — she ultimately agreed to keep quiet. As a reward, Lucky took her to the park for a picnic, where he took out the ring he clumsily dropped on the couch after making his gross confession; despite already seeing it and being well aware of what he was planning, she graciously pretended to be surprised before shutting him down.

For those who are deeply invested in this couple, I suppose the scenes that followed might have been sweet. I am not deeply invested in this couple, and all I've wanted since Lucky returned is for him to go away and stop taking up space, so I was only halfway paying attention to their long, dumb conversation about how Lucky is a loner and a rebel and Port Charles is too small for him and he needs to leave, blah blah blah. Long story short: After being rejected by his high school sweetheart, Lucky suddenly decided it would hurt too much for him to stay in town, and it was time for him to hit the road again.

Jackson has chalked up his quick exit to the difficulty of commuting between Tennessee and California, and as someone who used to spend a lot of time shuttling between coasts for work, I can sympathize to an extent. On the other hand, he knew where he lived when he signed that contract, and he's been a soap guy long enough to understand how his limited availability would cut way down on his character's impact, so I can't feel too sorry for him. If I feel bad for anyone, it's the viewers who had to watch Lucky lounge around Port Charles in the same drab wardrobe for months, neglecting to wash his hair, doing nothing interesting for a couple of days and then disappearing for fat chunks of time. We all know this guy can't be cheap. If he's going to be on the show, then the least he owes us is to be on the show. Whatever they were paying him, it would have been better spent on almost anything else.

That's it for the big stuff. Time for your bullets!

• Confronted by Laura over the $10 million missing from the Cassadine trust, Alexis liked and said she'd invested the funds in the Dolos Fund
• Marcos told Alexis that the Dolos Fund looks super fishy and asked her if she's in any trouble
• Kristina met Marco, and somehow no one mentioned Blaze
• Tracy had the line of the week when she saw Drew at the courthouse and quipped that she was "all out of ketamine"
• Boyle's attempt to harass Laura and Sonny was thwarted when Gio "accidentally" bumped him into the Metro Court pool
• Brook Lynn confronted Lulu, and it was oddly underwhelming
• By snarking in the back of the courtroom, Carly and Joss proved they're even more irritating than Drew
• Rejected again by Marco, Natalia had such a sad that she got polluted on vodka sodas and was arrested for drunk driving; Turner immediately tried getting her to flip on Sonny
• Anna warned Sonny that Turner has him in her sights
• Kai overheard Curtis talking about his plan to find Jacinda and pay her off to say that Drew hired her for sex and willingly took ketamine
• Marshall was in town for a few hours, diddly boo bop zop
• Cody got a haircut
• The PCPD's eternal desk sergeant actually had a couple of lines
• Sidwell reminded Marco that he can be his right-hand man whenever he's ready to accept the job
• Sasha asked Jason to be Daisy's godfather
• Felicia shamed Carly into thanking Willow for midwifing Daisy
• Cody and Molly's chem test continued with a toast to Britt, who's apparently on her way back from the dead (and back to Port Charles)
• Sasha quickly forgave Nina for feeding Ric information about her tryst with Michael