Every soap fan has their favorite era. For a lot of people — myself included — that era coincides with their formative years as a fan, which is often childhood, because traditionally, the daytime habit was passed down from parent to offspring, sometimes simply by virtue of the shows being part of a home's ambient soundtrack. I've talked before about my earliest memories of ABC's Love in the Afternoon era, which are rooted in the early-to-mid '80s; for better or worse, the production and storytelling standards of those years will always be my gold standard for soaps.
This isn't to say that I can't see the good in what we have now. Overall, I think this column is pretty fair and even-handed. But as much as I still derive enjoyment from spending time in its modern equivalent, the Port Charles of the '80s is always going to be "my" version of the town, and I'm always going to look for signs and signals that some form of that show still exists.
I bring this up here because of last week's location shots with Gio and Emma on the streets of New York City. The whole thing was pretty brief, and amounted to nothing more than an advertisement for the Aladdin Broadway show, but that's fine — I still enjoyed seeing the familiar but long-absent sight of daytime characters interacting with the real world, cruddy, washed-out video and all. In the old days, this kind of thing wasn't all that exotic. By the time I became an ardent soap fan, you'd only tend to see location shoots when a big story was about to end, which made it more exciting. Sure, it was fun to watch Terry wander the streets of Laurelton or see Robert and Duke riding snowmobiles in pursuit of Grant Putnam, but what it really meant was that you were about to get the payoff you'd been waiting for.
We had none of that last week, obviously. Gio and Emma's trip to New York had no buildup, and the show is currently using them for 100 percent cuteness and zero drama anyway. But there was still a part of me that perked up when I saw them taking selfies outside the theater, because that old daytime drama muscle memory never really goes away. I'm sure GH won't be going back to Mount Rushmore anytime soon, but I'd love it if this silly little stunt gives the higher-ups some ideas about how to tie the show in with other things that might also include an actual storyline. As I've said before in this space, for us daytime diehards, hope always springs eternal.
Lovett or Leave It
Overall, not a hell of a lot happened last week. Gio and Emma's drama-free excursion to New York sort of summed up the show in general. If there was a "major" story, I guess it was probably Ethan's return to Port Charles, which so far seems to be driven by — ugh, you guessed it — something to do with Sonny.
After catching up with Kristina over what appeared to be some alarmingly tall glasses of brown liquor (especially since Kristina was supposed to be babysitting Donna), Ethan asked Sonny for a job. Ric, who was in his new favorite spot at Sonny's side, was openly suspicious, and even accused Ethan of being there as a mole for Robert. Sonny agreed with Ric that Ethan was clearly hiding something, but agreed to hire him anyway as a favor to Luke.
The funniest thing about all this is that Ethan is supposedly taking Jason's spot at Corinthos Coffee, which — I mean, come on. I'm not saying Ethan is incapable of doing whatever the hell Jason did over there, but if you've ever worked at a company, you know positions like that don't just stand vacant for days on end. Corinthos Coffee would have someone under Jason who could step in during his (frequent, lengthy) absences, and Sonny would have no reason to hire a globetrotting con artist to take his place. But whatever the writers are planning here, they needed it to start with Ethan being hired and then slinking outside to call Lulu, tell her he got the job, and respond to her doubts by casting a darkly meaningful look back at Sonny's house and saying "I'm exactly where I need to be."
Look, I understand that these characters have history. But can't we think of anything better for him to do than slide immediately into Sonny's tired, played-out orbit? Can't Jason's spot be filled by Larry from accounting or whatever? Half the time this show starts a new storyline, I feel like Indiana Jones when he opened the dig in Raiders of the Lost Ark, only instead of wondering why it had to be snakes, I'm wondering why it had to be Sonny. Again.
Anyway, that's where we are. Ric went to Alexis to ask what she knows about Ethan, which led to an episode spent talking about his role in the Kiefer storyline, and Ethan had lunch or something with Tracy, which led to lots of talk about Luke. We also learned that Sidwell knows who Ethan is, because he had Holly's entire family investigated after she stole those diamonds from him. That's basically it for Ethan thus far. While I definitely do not wish for a return to the days when I character's comeback was started with what felt like six weeks of looking at their arm or whatever before we were actually allowed to finally see their face, I also think the writers could do a much better job of generating interest and/or excitement with these. Britt's return, "Nathan's" return, now Ethan's — they've all felt confused and half-hearted. I tend to think a lot of this is driven by availability. While we needed to see Ethan reconnecting with Lulu, Kristina, Sonny, and Tracy, we also needed to see more of whatever he's actually up to; his first full week back shouldn't have been 95 percent idle chit-chat. But since he was only on three days, maybe that's all there was time for?
I don't know. But so far, my ambivalence toward this character hasn't changed.
The Crystalline Catastrophe
According to Chris McKenna, we're finally reaching the end of Finola Hughes' long hiatus from the show. We didn't really need him to tell us, though, because Anna's name has been on so many pairs of lips lately that it's become obvious she's on her way back. If there's a god in heaven, hopefully this means we're finally nearing the end of the Faison Cold Fusion Saga.
First things first. Last week's show included more scenes involving Valentin lurking around Carly's house, which means more arguments with Carly over whether some part of his plan is or is not too dangerous, and also more banter with Joss about whatever the two of them are willing to tell each other about Sidwell and/or Cullum. None of this really amounted to much. Carly dislikes Valentin planning to funnel bad information through Nina in order to fool Brennan; Valentin dislikes his own inability to figure out what Cullum's up to or stop him from using Anna's past with Faison against her. He ended the week by calling the clinic in France and impersonating Kevin to try and get information about Anna, which was mildly amusing.
There was also another argument between Lucas and Britt over whether it was too dangerous for him to try and help her by remaining at Wyndemere and using his access to… I've honestly forgotten what he intends to do there. Steal more meds once Cullum produces them? Seduce Pascal? Whatever it is, it's taking him a very long time to do it.
The big movement on this side of the story happened when Britt spotted Rocco, who was at the hospital doing his community service, chatting with Cullum in his room. She quickly swooped in and invented an excuse for him to be somewhere else, which led to the two of them hiding out in the chapel so she could try and warn him to stay away from Cullum — which in turn led to Rocco telling her he's the one who shot Cullum in the back.
This is a satisfying development for a couple of reasons. One, it explores the emotional entanglement between Britt and Rocco that led to Rocco shooting Cullum; two, it led to Rocco telling Britt that "Nathan" knows he did it. Understandably freaked out about this, she confronted Cassius, seeking assurances that he wouldn't hang Rocco out to dry — at which point Cassius admitted he's in love with Lulu, and intends to keep on being Nathan indefinitely. This is a very stupid plan on his part, as Britt pointed out; eventually, the truth always comes out, and the longer you go on with something like this, the higher the emotional stakes get for everyone involved, including the boy who's been led to believe his dead father is alive.
There are all sorts of holes here, not the least of which being the fact that we have no idea who Cassius even really is as a person — or, once again, what value he actually brings to Cullum and Sidwell's schemes. On the bright side, these flaws are easy enough to fix, and I think we might be seeing some hope on that horizon; Liesl returned on Friday, and after talking with Felicia about Anna's apparently worsening condition, she was stopped by Joss, who asked her if she thought maybe Nathan might be the one impersonating Faison.
The answer to that question will obviously be a haughty no, but it does open the door to whatever explanation the writers might have for Liesl never once mentioning that Nathan has a twin. Is she aware? Because I'm Team Liesl Redemption, I hope the answer is no, and we get some freaky story instead, but either way, it feels like we're finally on the verge of learning more about the false Nathan who spent six months boring us to tears before being revealed as an imposter.
More importantly, Cassius being in love with Lulu also opens the door to a world in which the dust settles on this silly cold fusion story with "Nathan" and Lucas the heroes and Cullum presumed dead, while Sidwell and Cassius keep each other in check for an extended period by threatening to reveal each other's secrets. Cassius and Lulu falling for each other while he's hiding this huge secret is the kind of outlandishly emotional stuff that classic soap storylines are made of, and the Sommersby situation I just described is a lot more interesting than anything to do with Faison at this point.
Encyclopedia Baldwin
We now move into the Dark Willow portion of the program, and I feel compelled to begin by saying that as much as I might enjoy this iteration of a historically dishwater-dull character, I will not stand for it if she harms so much as one hair on Elizabeth's head.
More on that in a minute.
Willow spent the week settling further into her ruthless new persona. The week picked up with Michael walking in on her argument with Jacinda — and Willow reaming him just as angrily as she did Jacinda, warning him that if he didn't keep her away from their children, he'd regret it. While Michael refused to back down in the moment, he later admitted to Jacinda that Willow's new social standing gives him reason to worry about the current public perception of him as a man who got away with attempted murder.
Nina, who knows a woman on the verge when she sees one, left her mother-daughter blackmail sesh and met with Ric, asking him if he could possibly perhaps just maybe put together a "battered woman" defense for Willow, just on the off chance that she ended up facing charges for a few teensy weensy transgressions. Ric's antennae shot up, but he didn't have long to try and pry the details out of Nina before Willow came in hot, firing off threats for Ric to pass along to Michael. After Ric left, Nina got Willow to see how badly things could turn out for her if she took Michael back to family court — with Sidwell blackmailing her, and Kai and Trina holding onto the knowledge she shot Drew, she's in a very vulnerable position.
This cold pragmatism carried over into Willow's meeting with Brennan, who arrived in her office without any idea what she wanted. Quickly laying her cards on the table, she revealed she's aware of the traffic camera footage and what he's been doing to Nina in order to guarantee its continued suppression. They both acknowledged that Nina had convinced him to keep quiet about it because of what it would do to his relationship with Carly, but that wasn't enough of an assurance for Willow, who abruptly revealed that she sits on the "International Law Enforcement Appropriations Committee," and therefore has a say in how much money the WSB gets from the United States government.
Brennan was stunned by this, which would be surprising if we hadn't spent months watching him be a thoroughly incompetent spy. I mean, why bother researching publicly available information that has a direct impact on your bottom line when you can fire off drone strikes on African diamond mines instead? This man makes me sad.
Well, anyway, now Willow and Brennan are in check. He wants funding, and he also doesn't want Willow going around telling all of her invisible Capitol Hill cronies that he sucks at his job, so in order to remain in good standing, he agreed to not only keep that traffic camera footage hidden, but to dig up all available dirt on Drew. Surprised and amused by the revelation that she's looking for criminal evidence against her own husband, he wondered why she wanted it, and was told to mind his own business.
Again: I like this version of Willow. But while she was putting the screws to Brennan, Drew was getting a surprise visit from Elizabeth, who stopped by to check on him while his real caregiver was away. Drew, of course, started blinking like mad, and because Nina was in the other room on Crimson business, she was able to sit with him long enough to figure out he was blinking SOS. Because this is a soap, she didn't take this as seriously as a real human would; in fact, she seemed willing to go along with Nina's explanation that it was "reflexive." Even still, Elizabeth said she felt like it might be time to try and give Drew other means of communication, like one of those eye-tracking boards that Ryan Chamberlain used while he wasn't really locked in.
Willow will not be happy about this. I think it had to have been a deliberate choice to have Elizabeth make this suggestion while she was in the room with Nina and Drew as well as Kai, three people who now represent some level of danger to Willow's carefully constructed house of cards. She doesn't know it yet, but Jacinda has also let Michael in on Brennan's offer to trade damaging information about Willow for a lead to Valentin's whereabouts. The longer the list of threats grows, and the more criminal acts Willow has to stoop to in order to keep it all together, the bigger the potential payoff gets here. I've been clamoring for more Drillow developments ever since she poked him in the neck; I hope last week's shenanigans mean this cuckoo storyline is finally getting the sustained attention it deserves. But Elizabeth had better emerge entirely unscathed — and in line for the front-burner storyline she so richly deserves.
That'll just about do it for now. Until next time, here are your bullets!
- Molly was cleared for post-surgery sex, and after assuring Cody she'd tell him if she experienced any discomfort, they had physical relations
- Alexis admonished Sonny for sending Ric to tell her about Danny trying to join the mob
- Jordan continued lashing out at everyone over the possibility of permanent scarring until she got a wake-up call from Portia
- After hearing a tantrum-throwing Jordan yell at Isaiah to get out of her room, Curtis instigated an argument and told him to stay away from her
- Britt told Lucas she'd rather die of Huntington's than continue to help Sidwell and Cullum, which would have been a much more helpful position for her to take a couple of years ago
- Dante tried interrogating Cullum again, and was snidely rebuffed again
- "Nathan" got a call from forensics about the other car in Curtis and Jordan's accident; after hearing that it was black and German, Curtis told the audience, "Isaiah Gannon drives a black SUV," and then disappeared for the last two days of the week
- After a few minutes of veiled insults with Sidwell, Ethan offered to take care of her Deception problems, but she asked him to stay out of it
- Ezra is a Shirley Temple drinker
- Laura wants universal pre-K for Port Charles
- Liesl told Felicia she couldn't go to France and try to convince Anna that she wasn't the one who gave her that phlebotomy treatment, because Anna wouldn't believe her anyway
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