It was only a few weeks ago that, after the exciting conclusion of the cold fusion saga, I gave the General Hospital writers credit for ending a story in a way that set up several possible stories with real long-term potential. If only for a moment, I dared hope that our show might have learned to stop tripping over its own feet long enough to deliver sustained entertainment for the first time in recent memory.
That was nice while it lasted, but I'm not feeling particularly hopeful these days. Since killing off Cullum, sending Sidwell to prison, and stuffing Nathan in a back pocket, GH has been pretty goddamn awful — to the point that I'm really not sure how many words I want to devote to the stuff we saw last week. This is partly out of petulance, and partly because I doubt anyone's interested in several thousand words' worth of complaining; either way, I'm going to try to keep this one quick and dirty, while also keeping my fingers crossed for brighter days ahead.
What Isn't Working
No Romance, No Excitement
I've said before that I'm not really a couple-shipping kind of guy, but that doesn't mean I don't recognize the fact that romance is a crucial component of a solid soap. This has been a big issue for GH for a really long time, so I'm not leading off with a new complaint, but what's particularly frustrating about the show right now is that we do have several couples with a spark — the writers simply choose to either bottle them up in silly stories or sideline them altogether. Whenever this crew lucks out and ends up with a fun couple on the canvas, it feels like they freak out and start looking for ways to smother their chemistry in nonsense.
Obviously, obstacles are necessary to keep couples interesting, but that isn't really what we're seeing here. The biggest offenders in terms of long-term pain are Chase and Brook Lynn, who have been so thoroughly bleached of interest that there isn't a storyline in the world that could save them; they certainly won't be rescued by whatever happens with baby Phoebe and the deeply lame Hudson. Even worse, though, is the narrative malpractice inflicted on Gio and Emma, whose flame has been all but snuffed by months of thumb-twiddling. These two could have been a 21st-century Frisco and Felicia, making audiences fall in love with them while they fell in love with each other during a series of adventures, but instead, their biggest source of drama is that Gio is very busy with his insta-career as a recording artist and Emma is sad and/or jealous. The same could be said for Molly and Cody, who are just about as adorable as Gio and Emma — and every bit as wasted on storylines that aren't.
Carly and Valentin had tons of potential, but all they do is hang out in her kitchen. I don't even know what to say about Jason and Britt — Steve Burton's idea of expressing affection seems to be staring at Kelly Thiebaud like he can't understand a word she's saying, interspersed with the occasional light hug. Kai and Trina are not, have never been, and never will be it. Isaiah and Portia are only together because the writers wanted to reunite Curtis and Jordan, who are grating hypocrites.
Sonny and Turner are revolting.
The show had something fun brewing between Nina and Brennan, but they've barely been seen together since he got the drop on Drew. Elizabeth and Dante are fun to watch, but we can only see them through the insufferably lame lens of a storyline that seems poised to hinge on Ric falling back on bad behavior. Which leads me to my next complaint…
Not Enough Character Development
This is another long-running complaint against GH, and it's enough of a constant problem that a viewer could probably always find a reason to be upset about it. It's pissing me off right now because the writers can't think of any better way to create trouble in paradise for Ric and Elizabeth than to make him act like a jealous tween whenever he sees her with Dante.
There are plenty of reasons to root against Ric and Elizabeth; fundamentally, they're a very problematic couple, and their umpteenth re-pairing represents a real lack of imagination on the part of the writing staff. That being said, Ric has been through a lot over the last few years, and his hard-fought evolution should really count for more than we're seeing here. Dante and Elizabeth have a spark; we saw it a long time ago, and it's believable that Ric would see it too. But having him lurk around corners, throw jealous tantrums, and try to enlist Lulu in driving them apart is just obnoxious — it's like the writers want us to believe it's still 2004.
What's particularly annoying about this is that we're currently in the midst of a storyline that asks us to believe that Sonny and Jason are finally out of the mob. Last week, we also saw Carly admit that, after rightly telling Lulu she needs to get a life of her own and stop hovering over her teenage children, it's time for her to practice what she preached and stop meddling so heavily in Joss' affairs. If these forever unchanging characters are allowed to show signs of change, why isn't Ric?
We all know the real answer to that question — certain characters on this show will forever be used as patsies and villains, while others will always get to win — but from a storytelling perspective, it's just lazy and shortsighted, and from a viewing standpoint, it's grueling to watch.
Plot-Driven Shenanigans
We all know soaps have gotten a lot more plot-driven over the last few decades, and that's worth complaining about on its own, but as upsetting as it is, it can still lead to entertaining drama under the right circumstances. Where it really doesn't work is when the writers are so hell-bent on getting from a particular Point A to a predetermined Point B that they can't even fashion a storyline that supports it with any real rooting interest for the viewer.
The biggest pain point in this respect — and really, on the entire show right now — is the aftermath of Curtis and Jordan's car accident. Curtis has been an insufferable jerk for a fairly long time, but that accident sent him careening over the Cliffs of Dickdom. The show, however, would have you believe he's some sort of noble wounded lion; since being convicted for assaulting Isaiah, every scene he's been in has been ladled over with maudlin music, an annoyingly clear signal that our loyalties are supposed to be with the guy who decided he knew who'd failed to render aid after the car accident his girlfriend caused, potentially ended another man's career in a fit of immature rage, and stupidly refused a lenient plea deal because he believed he could convince the jury that his assault victim was asking for it.
Plot-driven BS often begets plot-driven BS, and so it is with this storyline. With Curtis off to Pentonville, where rumor has it he'll be Sidwell's cellmate (which is, I'm tempted to think, the reason the writers set all this crap in motion), Jordan has suddenly been appointed the CEO of Aurora Media. The best thing I can say about this development is that it might be the writers' way of subversively agreeing with the growing argument that corporate CEOs are generally so worthless that it doesn't matter who's in that chair. Actually, no, I take it back — the best thing I can say about this development is that it'll break at least a little of the racial segregation we've seen surrounding the adult POC characters on GH since it was decided that Jordan, Curtis, Portia, and Isaiah needed to play musical partners.
Poorly Executed Character Introductions
Arguably the most common knock against GH is that the cast is too bloated, and a lot of characters could do the show a big favor by disappearing or dying to make room for a more focused narrative. I'm not necessarily inclined to agree, but I will say that the recent influx of newbies has been pretty painful to watch. While Mark Teschner still has an extremely impressive overall batting average, Port Charles' newest residents leave something to be desired pretty much across the board.
Let's run down the list: Joe Fitzpatrick has been about as useful as a vestigial tail for much of his time on the canvas, only briefly sparking to life toward the tail end of the cold fusion saga. Since being allowed to give off that glimmer, he's been crammed back in the drawer full of characters the writers don't seem to care about. Tristan Roberts has the type of vaguely interesting backstory that could be drawn upon for all sorts of cool things, but we see him maybe once a week, so it's hard to care very much one way or the other. I'll give him bonus points for being the vessel for a passing mention of Robert Scorpio, Sean Donely, and Frisco Jones last week, but that's not enough to do away with the nagging feeling that nobody really had a plan for this character before he arrived. Quinn is little more than a walking red herring. Simon is a music industry caricature.
And then there's Hudson, who is all kinds of wrong. This guy was supposed to be some sort of super-nasty villain, but he comes across more like the type of asshole who gives servers a hard time at all-inclusive tropical resorts on vacations their daddies paid for. He isn't physically imposing enough to frighten anybody, he isn't charming enough to justify anyone's attention, and he has absolutely zero chemistry with Joss, so the JJE storyline is another millstone hanging around his neck. It's an awful lot for Troy Lennon Appel to overcome, especially this early in his tenure.
I had high hopes for the new Serena, despite the fact that her arrival — in classic soap fashion — required another character to be sacrificed on the budget altar. So far, though, all she's really done is laze around the Metro Court pool, and she spends most of her time debating with Lucy over whether it's truly necessary for them to try and swindle Michael out of his Deception shares by using Serena as a honeypot. This is an objectively gross storyline. That doesn't mean it can't also be fun, but at this point, whatever's happening here is happening half-heartedly at best — and if the writers don't really care, why should we?
Poor Pacing, Persistent Imbalance
What Is Working
Clearly Defined Power Struggles
I'm reaching a little here, because I doubt anyone will shed a tear if and when the writers finally decide to let Michael and Willow stop fighting over custody of Wiley and Amelia, but at this admittedly early juncture, I still feel like Michael forcing Willow to move back into the gatehouse against her will is classically soapy stuff. As I wrote last week, I'm also not unhappy about the possibility of a three-way power struggle between Sonny, Drew, and Valentin. Aligning Ava with Drew in a shared bid to take Sonny down is nothing but tired, especially since Ava's current beef with Sonny flared up over basically nothing; on the other hand, I am at least provisionally interested in seeing these characters involved in a business struggle with financial stakes, rather than one that involves an absurdly dyed old man threatening to kill people.
Developing Younger Characters
For the first time in a long time, GH is currently able to leverage a multi-generational canvas, and it can only be good for the long-term health of the show that the writers have taken notice. The teen scene isn't perfect — these kids are mostly harmless nerds, and they're also all basically related to each other, so they aren't getting up to much truly interesting mischief — but where there's youth, there's potential. We're currently seeing a flash of it with Charlotte, who's leaning hard into her Cassadine nature by goading Danny into dealing with Drew by framing him for something unsavory. ("Dude can't keep it in his pants," Danny helpfully offered when asked for suggestions.)
A Hardworking Cast
In any medium that denies actors multiple takes or much of an opportunity to rehearse, you're going to see stilted performances, and GH is absolutely no exception in that regard. The talent on display, however, is inarguable on a day-to-day basis, and is often enough to rescue scenes that might otherwise be completely unwatchable. And when the actors are given truly worthwhile material — like the scenes between Alexis and Curtis last week that found her offering him a sensible warning about the dangers of relapsing in prison — the results can be gripping.
We'll end on that high note for now. Until next time, your bullets!
- Chase and Willow rewrote the history of her marriage to Michael during a preposterous conversation that found her describing herself as "a Stepford wife in a dollhouse"
- Tracy asked Yuri to keep an eye on Willow
- Brook Lynn was peeved to discover that Willow was moving into the gatehouse, and Tracy offered the genuinely puzzling explanation that she had no choice to allow it because saying no would mean she had no faith in Brook Lynn's marriage to Chase
- Lucas and Fitzpatrick don't know it yet, but they're roommates, thanks to Lucy leasing the same apartment to both of them
- Joss asked Michael to help vet the list of potential JJE CEOs for her, and he agreed on the condition that she keep the peace with Willow
- Hudson met Phoebe and heard her origin story, and squinted a lot afterwards so we could tell he's suspicious
- Anna asked Sonny if she could buy some secluded property from him and keep it totally secret from everyone, and now we know where she's planning to dump Britt's body
- Trina spent the week worrying about Curtis, but still had enough screen time for the Stalker Cam to briefly be reactivated
- Donna made invitations to the family barbecue, including one she secretly made for Turner
- Jason wore red
- Sonny tried talking Ric out of proposing to Elizabeth, sensibly pointing out that he appears to be acting out of insecurity and fear rather than, you know, love
- Kai got into a shouting match with Willow while tendering his resignation, raising the odds that he is about to die
- Isaiah told Portia he's going to drop the civil suit against Curtis in order to [yawn] help the family heal
- Joss confronted Britt in front of Jason for not telling anybody that Nathan was really Cassius
- Laura packed up for her trip to Ireland to see Kevin and Ace
- Scout swam and cried about her asshole dad
- Sonny and Sidwell traded tough-guy banter in the Pentonville visitors' room
- Jordan agreed to let Drew serve as an Aurora consultant, a decision Michael questioned until she gave the frankly bizarre explanation that she's keeping her friends close and her enemies closer
Comments
Post a Comment