Another week of General Hospital is on the books — and like the one before it, this one was largely spent table-setting for the next round of major storylines. This meant sitting through a lot of repetitive conversations while feeling like much of Port Charles is currently stuck in a holding pattern, but it wasn't all bad; after all, while you're waiting for a story to truly get going, you can imagine all sorts of intriguing directions for it to follow. Am I trying too hard to be positive here? Let's look back and find out together.
Jexual Squealing
Let's just take our medicine and get this one out of the way first. Soap Twitter has almost unanimously declared the allegedly epic love story of Josslyn and Dex to be the biggest turd in the GH punch bowl at the moment, and although I have absolutely nothing against either actor and I'm not blind to the glimmers of potential here, I really can't disagree. This shit is painful to watch.
What's most galling about it is that it didn't have to be this way. Josslyn is a character with rich history and lots of ties to various corners of the canvas, and having her fall for a mob enforcer could have been a great example of the way daytime dramas often leverage past storylines by echoing them anew. I'm agnostic at best when it comes to organized crime's cornerstone status on this show, but with writing that properly laid the stakes for the relationship between these two, it'd be fairly easy to forgive more Corinthos drama. Unfortunately, that isn't what we got. At all.
I can only imagine that upon hearing William Lipton was moving to extreme part-time status, the writers felt compelled to whip up a new love interest for Joss, and Evan Hofer's Dex was the nearest available warm body. Maybe they only had a few weeks to make it happen? I don't know, I'm trying to be charitable here — but regardless of the reasons, the end result is a rushed story with all the sparkle of day-old soda. There's just no reason to believe that Joss has fallen this hard for Dex, and there's really no reason to believe Dex would be willing to risk a very painful and highly probable death just to be with her. These two have hit the sack a few times and shared a few meals together, and nothing about the way their relationship has been written has generated enough suspension of disbelief to blind viewers to that fact.
This all hit a painful head early in the week when Joss and Dex found out Michael was pulling the plug on Operation Get Sonny, thereby leaving Dex stranded in the Corinthos organization. With all the emoting power of a young William Shatner, Hofer desperately tried to convey the depth of Dex's feelings for Joss, while Eden McCoy did her best to tap into a well of honest emotion. They were less than successful, and the same held true for their similarly constipated exchange later in the week; at one point, I actually laughed out loud.
This is ungood. I don't know Hofer or McCoy personally, but I have to believe they deserve better than this — and so does the audience.
Gladys Hears a Wu
I often see Gladys' name on lists of characters who could or should be killed off, but she really isn't without potential. Although her conniving was rather cartoonish toward the start of her run, she's developed some layers over the years, and her current arc has a classically soapy shape — there's a lot to be said for a character who's tried to redeem themselves, but can't seem to avoid ending up in hot water.
I'm also a big Selina Wu fan, and although her underutilization over the years has been at least mildly frustrating, I'm willing to concede that it's given the show time to establish this character as a mysterious force to be reckoned with. Setting aside how comical it is that there are multiple crime families in Port Charles despite Sonny's insistence that no one is allowed to do or sell anything that would make organized crime lucrative enough to support even one syndicate, Selina's growing presence is a nice nod to the past that has facilitated some decent drama in the present.
So what do you get when you put these two characters together? Well, up 'til now, you get an increasingly panicked Gladys using her conservatorship over Sasha to illicitly come up with enough funds to cover her growing gambling debts. This week, we learned that Gladys has racked up an $85,000 tab at Selina's card table — a sum Selina's willing to forgive if Gladys can funnel her useful information about Sonny's business.
I am of two minds about this, to put it mildly. If you know me at all, you know I have very little tolerance/use for Sonny Corinthos, who's swallowed up gobs of canvas for decades and left countless ruined characters in his wake. How many goddamn times have we seen Sonny fend off some allegedly fearsome threat to his hold over the city? Like just about everything to do with just about every last Corinthos, this has been done to death, and if it ends up being Selina's endgame, I'm going to be bitterly disappointed.
That hasn't happened yet, however — and like I said up top, when a storyline's just starting out, you can still imagine where it might take you. I'd desperately love to believe that Selina has no interest in taking over Sonny's territory, ideally because her own business interests dwarf anything he'd have to offer. I'd much rather see this arrangement turn out to be some kind of fake-out, and have the writers give Selina a storyline befitting the Wus. Maybe we can end up back in the catacombs, and give Joss and Dex a Frisco and Felicia-type storyline with him on the run and her fretting about his safety with entirely appropriate stakes.
Is this the storyline we'll get? I know, I know — probably not. But at this point, a longtime viewer can still dream.
Deceptor? I Hardly Know Her
Some stories take months or even years to play out; others run from start to finish over the span of a few days. In this week's edition of Someone Must Have Episode Guarantees, Sasha had a whole-ass storyline that saw her return to the Home & Heart Shopping Network — where, as you'll recall, she had a drug-assisted nervous breakdown last year — in order to serve as a last-minute pitchperson for Deception's new product.
I watched these scenes, I'm deeply familiar with the show, and I have nothing against the characters involved, but reader, I have to be honest — I don't understand what the point of any of this might have been. Was Frank Valentini eager to throw a few bucks at Susan Batten and Morgan Fairchild? Was one of the head writers once hurt or slandered by the host of a home shopping network? I don't know. What I do know is that while the efforts of the actors involved made it less painful than it might have been, this was still a whole bunch of fluff.
In a nutshell: Home & Heart wanted Sasha to have another on-air breakdown because ratings, it nearly happened even though Sasha knew exactly what they were up to, and Cody saved the day at the last minute by threatening to streak across the set if the producer didn't knock it off. I suppose the major takeaways here are supposed to be that Sasha now feels empowered enough to petition for the end of her conservatorship, thus depriving Gladys of her ill-gotten income, and that she knows Cody risked wagging his dong on live TV in order to protect her honor. Again, I ask you: So what? There's nothing here that couldn't have been accomplished in a more sensible and entertaining way.
You Call That a Love Triangle?
Speaking of stuff that could have been handled better, here's what appears to be the resolution to the alleged love triangle between Robert, Holly, and Diane. Near as I can tell, with the potential exception of some truly hardcore Robert/Holly fans, no one was anything other than mildly skeeved out by this — and despite my previously stated undying affection for Tristan Rogers and Emma Samms, I can absolutely understand why.
I want to preface whatever I'm about to say by pointing out how difficult it is to pull off something like this with actors who aren't on contract. Rogers is barely on, everybody knew Samms was only back for a minute, and Carolyn Hennesy has been a recurring player for eons — there was absolutely no way any of them were ever going to share enough screentime to make this feel real or important. Hell, Rogers and Samms have been sharing scenes for 40-odd years, but even the weight of all that history wasn't enough to add a palpable spark to the handful of moments Holly and Robert shared during this go-round.
Real-world factors were always destined to interfere with anything the writers wanted to do with these characters at this juncture. They had a tough row to hoe no matter which one they decided to go down — which really raises the question of why they opted to gin up an absurd triangle between Robert, the ex-wife he originally thought he left behind in the '80s, and a grown woman he's been on one goddamn date with. Again, and I cannot stress this enough, I really want to see at least two of these actors on the show more often. Still, even for me, this was all so deeply, deeply silly.
Timing and availability were definitely part of it. The larger part, at least in my opinion, was a refusal to understand or acknowledge the strengths of the actors involved — particularly Rogers, who's had some fun romantic pairings on General Hospital but has never really been the type to dither about while swooning between two women. Robert's best relationships have always been of the Thin Man variety: Lots of witty banter to make the sparks fly, with a few moments of love in the afternoon occasionally sprinkled in. People loved Robert and Holly (and Robert and Katherine, etc.) because they weren't supposed to fall for each other; there was nothing forced about it, it was just pure magnetism. This, on the other hand, was the result of writers frantically hammering square pegs into round holes, and trying to make viewers feel unearned emotions.
Ah, well. It's over now. Following Holly's tearful admission that she and Robert can't be together because he's the Port Charles DA and she's a…I don't know, some sort of criminal, I guess, Emma Samms is off the show again. I assume this will lead to Robert and Diane dating, largely offscreen, for an indeterminate period of time.
Invader? I Hardly Know Her Either
Speaking of largely offscreen, we had ourselves a healthy helping of Alexis Davis this week! I know some of you on the rightward side of the political spectrum dislike Nancy Lee Grahn as a human being. I happen to share her politics and admire her outspokenness — although she's occasionally prone to shoving her foot in her mouth, that's the risk anyone takes when they're Extremely Online, and she's also a very talented actor. Alexis has been stuck in talk-to limbo for some time now, with her only excuse for a storyline coming via her deeply weird friendship with Gregory "Dead Man Walking" Chase, but it looks like the writers might be mulling over a few new things for her to do.
The first glimmer of hope came during Alexis' visit to the Savoy, where her night out with Diane was interrupted by Holly's arrival; she ended up at the bar with Felicia, where the two of them talked about how they were both at loose ends. Felicia told Alexis she was in search of a new project, and Alexis shared her frustration with her stint as the insta-Editor in Chief of the Invader, saying the paper isn't where she wants it to be. Dare we hope this might lead to a storyline centering on the two of them?
Maybe, maybe not. In the meantime, Alexis' trip through town next led her to Laura's home, where she up and offered Esme a job answering phones at the paper. Plenty of other characters were understandably appalled by this, but Alexis' motives are easy to understand here, even if the ultimate destination for this plot point is more difficult to discern. That being said, characters on GH tend to settle into the same strict social circles for years at a time, so whenever we see new combinations, my interest is easily piqued. Felicia and Alexis? Alexis and Esme? I'm curious.
Recastometriosis
Elsewhere on the Davis storyline axis, TJ and Molly learned that Molly's hitherto-undiagnosed endometriosis is so severe that it'll likely prevent the two of them from having children. This is a completely sensible storyline for GH, especially considering that TJ's a doctor, and it was set in motion behind a pair of terrific young talents in Tajh Bellow and Haley Pullos; unfortunately, given Pullos' recent extralegal (and frighteningly dangerous) escapades, it seems somewhat likely that she has taped her last scenes on the show. I don't know anything about Pullos' allegedly temporary replacement, Holiday Mia Kriegel; for now, I guess all we can do is wait and see (and lament the deeply stupid decisions that led to the abrupt recasting of an actor who'd been with the show since she was a kid).
Corinthos Corner
I've been leaving minimal space for commenting on the Sonny/Nina/Carly/Drew/Michael section of the show, partly because I actively dislike most of these characters and partly because very little of what they're doing makes sense or is fun to watch. That hasn't changed! To recap very briefly, then: Michael was convinced by Willow to drop his vendetta against Sonny, which means he's currently unwilling to use the incriminating video obtained by Dex during the Pikeman deal; Nina is wracked with guilt over her impulsive decision to have Martin phone the SEC with an anonymous tip selling out Carly and Drew for insider trading; Carly and Drew are livid that anyone would dare rat them out for breaking the law, and they're determined to figure out who did it. Blah blah blah blah blah, I have zero faith that any of this will lead anywhere interesting or produce lasting change for any of the characters involved.
Portia Prepares to Meddle
Oh, Sprina fans. Did you think that just because our young star-crossed couple helped save the world, their path to lasting love would be free of obstacles once they returned home from somewhere in Greenland? That simply isn't how great dramas work — but this week's turn of events, which saw Portia resolving to break up Spencer and Trina, is certainly soapy as all get out.
There's a part of me, of course, that doesn't want this for Portia, who has meddled in the affairs of others more than enough recently (and spent more than enough time blinking back tears and begging for forgiveness). It's also natural to want to see these kids together at long last. On the other hand, I've been watching these shows long enough to have fond memories of stories about overbearing family authority figures somehow preventing relatives who were old enough to buy their own drinks from finding true love. All I need now is for Portia to pull a Phoebe Tyler Wallingford and hire her own Myrtle Fargate to come between Spencer and Trina — and then she can turn her attention to the budding re-connection between Curtis and Jordan.
I will say that in theory, I'm not all that excited about a romantic tug of war between Curtis, Jordan, and Portia. It seems like a pretty lazy storytelling choice. But in practice, well…look, I'm actively a fan of Donnell Turner, and I have nothing against Tanisha Harper, but they haven't been done many favors by the recent writing for either of their characters, and this was really driven home for me by the scenes showing Curtis and Jordan talking about whether they should hook up and what it might mean.
For as long as I can remember, Turner's been playing Curtis as an unbearably uptight stick in the mud — which makes sense, given the stuff he's gone through, but I don't think it plays to his strengths as an actor. Similarly, Harper's ongoing attempts to portray Jordan as a no-nonsense hardass police commissioner often strike me as stilted and awkward. Watching them share a relatively quiet human moment, however, was really pretty satisfying; it brought out shades of their characters that we haven't seen in far too long. If the rest of this plays out in similarly nuanced fashion, I might be here for it.
…And Finally, Victor's Will
This will undoubtedly rate more of a mention in the weeks to come, but the last line item for the week is the courier who ran around town dropping off mysterious envelopes for a list of characters that includes Sam, Alexis, Laura, Spencer, Ava, and Anna. Inside? Invitations to the reading of Victor's will. Stuff like this often turns out to be anticlimactic, but for the moment, I'm eager to find out what he left behind.
Once again, that's the week that was on General Hospital. As always, if you think I got anything particularly wrong or right, or just want to add your two cents, let me know in the comments!
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