Every week, I think I'm going to be able to get in and out of this column without writing thousands of words, only to realize there's always so much more to discuss than I initially believed. But THIS week might finally be the one — although there was plenty of incident involving plenty of characters, most of it was clustered around several major storylines. A bit of a change of pace from recent weeks, but I'm not necessarily complaining. Let's dive in.
Curtis Can't Commit
On one hand, this storyline is kind of the worst — it's destroying Curtis' character, it's making Jordan and Portia out to be unreasonably desperate, and it's leaving Vernee Watson and Robert Gossett to mop up the rest of the plate with gumbo-seasoned cartoon shenanigans. On the other hand, I'm reluctant to hammer too hard against any visible commitment this show ever makes where characters of color are concerned; even if the way all this is being written is frequently frustratingly dumb, it's still a nominal step in the right direction, and I would much rather watch the Ashford/Robinson/Taggert clan deal with drama than a number of other families on the canvas.
In a nutshell, what the writers appear to be doing — slowly and ever so clumsily — is trying to build a rickety love triangle between Curtis, Portia, and Jordan. Never mind that it's founded on virtually nothing — prior to their heartfelt conversations and that kiss a couple of weeks ago, Curtis and Jordan had hardly spoken since her return from the Miracle Kidney Clinic — and never mind that there's no need for any of this, since there's already more than enough drama between Curtis and Portia as it is. The triangle is every soap writer's favorite shape, so here we are.
What's baffling about all this is the way they're going about it. As I said last week, if the show really wanted to go this route, they should have had Curtis and Jordan hit the sheets; these characters are all adults with grown children and real issues between them, so it's comically hard for me to buy into the supposed stakes here. Portia hid Trina's possible paternity from Curtis for decades, and she's all but prostrated herself before him in penitence since he walked out on their marriage — the idea that she'd find a kiss between her husband and his ex any kind of serious deal-breaker is very difficult to believe.
It's compounded by the obnoxious way they're writing Curtis right now. He ended his marriage to Jordan over her failure to let him in on every last detail of the Cyrus investigation, and then he walked out on Portia after learning he might be Trina's father. That's all well and good, but they've also got him making out with his ex, making deals with a known crime boss, and — perhaps most damning of all — basically blaming Jordan for his abrupt decision to give his relationship with Portia another chance. He is, in other words, a raging hypocrite, which undercuts the audience's ability to side with him while also undermining our willingness to care.
For the record, I think Donnell Turner is doing everything he can to play a lot of generally chaotic writing for his character. The writers really don't seem to know what the hell they want to do with Curtis from moment to moment — six months ago, he was blissfully happy to be the owner of the Savoy, but all it took was a job offer from the WSB to make him wonder whether the club is enough. He's quick to condemn anyone else in his life for the slightest bit of dishonesty, but he's more than willing to bend or hide the truth when it suits his purposes. As numerous viewers have pointed out, Jordan and Portia are both incredibly lovely and accomplished women, so why are they wasting their lives pining for this mope?
As I said up top, I'm 100 percent here for any and all solid storylines centering around characters of color in Port Charles. This one has been a bit of a joke thus far, but anything can happen. Let's hope it does.
Trina's Two Dads
The paternity test results came in this week, and as pretty much anybody could have predicted, Curtis is Trina's father. On one level, it's hard to understand the reasons for this decision — it severs biological ties between two of the show's more popular characters, all in the name of giving a daughter to a character who didn't really need one — but in terms of pure entertainment, it delivered, thanks to a stellar performance from Réal Andrews.
I have no special insight into the decisions behind which actors get consistent screentime, and I know Andrews has had some health issues over the last several years. But there's no denying that his return to the show created a lot of excitement among a number of viewers, and it's hard to understand why Taggert pops up so rarely. It certainly isn't because Andrews has been giving it anything less than his A game — since everyone learned that Portia had been hiding the potential truth of Trina's paternity, Taggert's scenes with Portia and Trina have been outstanding. And although I think making Curtis and Trina father and daughter is a short-sighted decision on the part of the writers, it gave Andrews an acting meal to feast on, and he did not disappoint. If there's any justice on General Hospital, they'll make a point of finding a lot of other stuff for him to do following the fallout from all this — or even retcon it away by saying Selina paid to have the test results tampered with.
Victor's Will
You can hate me if you want to, but by and large, I'm a Frank Valentini supporter. As an EP, he certainly has his flaws, but he saved GH from cancellation, and he's good at cutting costs in ways that are mostly all but invisible to the audience. That being said, he isn't a magician; there are definitely times when the seams show, and the reading of Victor Cassadine's last will and testament was one of those times.
Look, we're talking about a character who's been part of the show for decades, and a member of one of its most powerful families. He planned to wipe out most of the world's population! The idea that his will left a handful of weird trinkets for a small group of people is insulting to the audience — the kind of storytelling decision that takes you right out of the show while it's happening. Arguably more upsetting is the immediate takeaway from all this, which is that little to none of what Victor left behind will lead to subsequent major storylines.
In the short term, there's a lot to deal with here: Victor made Anna's WSB file public, thus ending her long career as an agent; he deeded Nikolas a piece of property in Chechnya, thus sending Laura and Valentin off on a mission to see whether Nikolas is being hidden there; he left Spencer a safe deposit box containing proof of Esme's crimes, thus giving Spencer ammunition in a custody fight for Ace. He also left a nesting doll for Alexis, some tarot cards for Sam, and a porcelain finger for Valentin, all of which could potentially produce story, but c'mon let's get real, they probably won't.
What we're probably left with, then, is Anna's sudden forced resignation from the WSB — for reasons that are nothing short of comical to anyone who's watched the show since the '80s — and a quick out for Genie Francis and James Patrick Stuart, who I'm assuming both have vacations coming up. It's all fine for what it is, I guess, but it could have been cataclysmic instead of anticlimactic. I think soap writing is probably the hardest writing gig in Hollywood. Still, it feels like a lot of potential was left untapped here.
Oh Look, Austin's Back
Speaking of untapped potential, holy crap has Roger Howarth had the cushiest contract job across all of daytime since making his debut as Austin Gatlin-Holt in 2021. I refuse to believe the writers had any kind of plan for this character when they brought him on — they keep flopping him around the canvas in search of things for him to do, but there's zero visible investment in any of it, and when he resurfaced last week, it felt like the first time he'd been on in about a month.
This is all annoying and it sucks, but whenever he's around, Howarth is a lot of fun to watch, and they've given him a delightful pairing in Maura West's Ava. These are two actors who've been forced to sell a lot of bootleg drama over the years, and they always do a superb job; if I have to bear witness to Cousin Mason's sleazy business, I'm glad I have those two to keep me company.
So yes, if you missed it, Mason bobbed up again toward the end of the week, slithering his way into the office while Austin and Ava were coming up with a plan for what to do about Laura and Valentin jetting off to Chechnya in search of Nikolas (who, as you may recall, both Ava and Austin sincerely believe to be dead following Ava's panicked thwomp on Nikolas' noggin in response to Nikolas threatening to take Avery away from Ava). The key difference this time is that after months on end of Mason being creepy and vaguely menacing, it actually seems like we might finally have a story.
It's been clear for awhile now that Austin has been unwillingly moonlighting as some sort of mob doctor for whichever shadowy figure is pulling Mason's strings, but now said figure has their sights on Ava, and is using Nikolas' "death" as leverage to get her to do bad stuff. This could be a great story! Most morally slippery characters have their edges sanded off over the long haul, but Ava is believable and rootable whether she's good or up to no good — and she's been more or less in a holding pattern since losing track of Nikolas' corpse, so it should be nothing but entertaining seeing her dragged back to her darker side against her will.
Unfortunately, this appears to be all about Sonny, which is like being promised a steak dinner only to be handed a dried-up charred burger patty that fell through the slats of a community grill at a public park. I don't care who's giving Mason and Austin their marching orders (although I pray it isn't the right-wing realtor who played Olivia Jerome) — if this ends up being yet another goddamn story about some allegedly fearsome gangster trying to take over Corinthos territory, I am going to be very, very sad.
Corinthos Corner
Speaking of television's least believable mafia boss and his insufferable extended family, this was a pretty light week, all things considered. And by "all things considered," I mean "considering that some member of this annoying clan is mixed up in at least half of whatever is happening on the show right now."
The SEC story sucks no matter what, so I'm not overly bothered by Sonny all of a sudden thinking it's all about him. It'd be great if that didn't lead to a painfully embarrassing exchange between Sonny and Ned at the Metro Court pool of all places, but whatever. We were also force-fed a relatively small serving of Joss and Dex whining about Michael — and it was almost entertaining to watch Carly coming to grips with the idea that Joss and Michael actively want her to flip on Sonny in order to get herself out from under those insider trading charges, not to mention the revelation that Michael went and hired someone to incriminate his "father." I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that at some point in the not-too-distant future, this is going to be Sonny Hospital all over again, what with his wedding to Nina and the inevitable fallout from the Pikeman deal and whatever the hell is happening with Mason, but for the moment, I'm feeling fairly tolerant of Sonny. I just wish they'd stop painting his hair.
Oh, and bless this week for keeping Willow offscreen while she ingests that magic bag of tomato soup, and putting Drew exactly where he belongs: Hosting a sleepover for Scout at the Quartermaine mansion. May he stay home forever and become a long-running cribbage partner for Monica and Audrey.
I'm back over 2,000 words again, dammit — even after a four-episode week. As always, if there's anything you think I got particularly wrong or right, let me know…and I'll see you back here next week!
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