Hello again, fellow General Hospital viewers! We've had another week of ups and downs in Port Charles, but by and large, I felt like this most recent batch of episodes found the current writing staff settling in and delivering what amounted to some classically soapy stuff. It wasn't perfect, and some things were definitely still dumb and/or bad, but I ended the week feeling fairly encouraged — and eager to see where at least a couple current storylines will go next, which is something I can't remember feeling in a little while.
For starters, I feel like the current regime is a little more in tune with what I guess I can only refer to as the standard "shape" of a soap week — for generations, daytime viewers were conditioned to expect a Monday with some cliffhanger resolutions, a Tuesday and Wednesday with a bit more table-setting, and a Thursday and Friday that cooked up and delivered some big revelations and bigger cliffhangers. I feel like GH has drifted away from that model recently, and last week reminded me that I don't care for it; I'm much happier with the ebb and flow I was raised on. Your mileage may vary, and maybe you didn't even notice the adjusted rhythm I'm referring to, but I feel like this is a much more sustainable mode of storytelling than the chaos menu that Dan O'Connor and Chris Van Etten have been cooking up.
I also feel like last week highlighted the ways in which the current writers are leaning into the strengths of the cast. This might just be a series of happy accidents passing itself off as a pattern, but I'm seeing characters spending more time doing stuff that makes sense and is seemingly better for long-term story in the bargain. I'll get into all of this in more detail as we go along, so let's dive in.
Where Are the Ukuleles and Where's My Fire Eater?
I usually break these down by starting with the storylines that got the most screen time or that I simply found most entertaining, but this time, I want to begin by acknowledging the greatness of Jane Elliot and the majesty of Tracy Angelica Quartermaine. Tracy didn't do much in terms of moving story last week, but she was fully in her scene-stealing glory, and she deserves special mention for single-handedly salvaging the inexplicable luau at the Metro Court pool.
Coaxed out of the mansion by Brook Lynn, who didn't want to talk about Tracy's Deception scheme where other members of the family could hear, Tracy found herself unwittingly liquored up by her granddaughter, who kept ordering double mai tais for her and virgin drinks for herself. This allowed Brook Lynn to keep a level head while Tracy endured a rollercoaster of emotions — first she got teary over Luke's death, admitting she's targeting Deception in part to give herself something besides her own grief to focus on; then she got sloppy, stealing the pineapple out of Mac's drink and calling him a bore. If you're only going to watch a few minutes of last week's GH, watch these scenes — the way Tracy says hello to Mac is worth tuning in for all by itself.
After leaving the pool, Tracy went back to the mansion to soak her head and swallow aspirin in the dark — noble goals that were interrupted by the unexpected arrival of Eddie, who took the opportunity to lay into her for trying to have him committed. This led to a fairly lengthy conversation about how Tracy desperately wants to have Ned back and Eddie adamantly insists that'll never happen, which is stuff we've all heard before; nothing truly new came out of it, and stretches of these scenes were just about as dull as you'd expect.
And yet it ultimately added up to more than just "Tracy fights for Ned and Eddie tells her to get bent, Chapter 20" — partly because Jane Elliot and Wally Kurth are capable of infusing recycled dialogue with honest emotion, and partly because the conversation actually had a point. After sparring over whether or not she was totally out of line for asking Olivia to have Eddie committed, Tracy finally had enough and asked him why he didn't just get out and go back to Sonny's, to which Eddie replied that there were "too many goombahs" over there.
"Aha!" Tracy crowed. "And there it is" — it being, of course, the parts of Ned that Tracy has always maintained remain buried beneath Eddie. Anyone who's been watching GH for 20-plus years knows full well that Ned despises everything Sonny stands for, and doesn't have much use for him even under the most favorable circumstances; the idea that they'd ever be roommates is absurd, and Eddie's unease at Sonny's penthouse is a solid sign that Ned's personality has been scrambled rather than fully reset.
Like I said, none of this really advanced the stories it was related to — but rather than simply rehashing old information, it showed us more about the characters involved and their motivations. A minor victory, perhaps, but I feel like it's still a fundamental one. I'll take it.
Anna Rising from the Ashes
We still don't know who's out to get Anna (or even if that's definitely what's happening here), but this storyline is moving along at a pretty quick clip these days. Monday found Anna, Dante, and Valentin within the smoking wreckage of her home, with Anna and Valentin discussing the psychology of revenge before Dante arrived to get her statement and debate the likelihood of the fire being set by a WSB operative.
Anna sensibly pointed out that a fire would be too sloppy for a Bureau op, but as she and Dante continued to talk, they came around to the possibility that the fire was actually a cover for the real plan — something that would require a lot of planning and (dun dun dun) logistics. Of course, we all remember that Valentin was a logistics guy for the Bureau, and while I'd wager that relatively few viewers believe he's behind this (or would even want him to be), he's clearly keeping secrets from Anna.
With relatively little effort, Dante evaporated Valentin's alibi for the fire by verifying that his car never entered or exited ELQ headquarters that night, nor was there even a water main break that needed tending to. More troubling still, Martin showed up at Anna's Metro Court room after she and Valentin checked in, and after lawyer and client argued briefly out in the hall, Valentin returned with an envelope that he set on a table before getting in the shower. After Dante called to let Anna know Valentin wasn't where he said he was during the fire, she opened the envelope to discover what appeared to be an invoice or pay stub from Pikeman; by the time Valentin was toweled off and ready for bed, Anna was already under the covers, facing away from him…and after the lights went out, she broke the silence by saying "You lied to me."
For a moment, the writers made it seem like Anna was ready to confront Valentin over his lies of omission (if not worse), but it was really just the first half of a sentence that ended with "You said you'd be five minutes, but it was closer to 15." I really like this choice — although it's often annoying and/or deathly dull when characters keep secrets from each other, Anna and Valentin are rarely dull, and this flavor of Mr. & Mrs. Smith-style subterfuge makes perfect sense for a couple so well-versed in the rules of espionage. Although I can't find the tweet anymore, some smart soul summed it up by saying Anna trusts Valentin's motivations, but not necessarily his methods, which I think is a perfect way to put it.
I also think it works really well for these characters. I enjoy them together and I'm not in any hurry to see them broken up; fortunately, this isn't the type of conflict that seems destined to do that. Both characters understand the value of keeping secrets as well as the often greater value of unlocking them, and in this situation, it's easy to believe that Valentin would work behind Anna's back to try and protect her while she works just as hard to figure out what the hell is going on in order to better protect herself.
To put it another way: I still think this whole "Anna's past comes back to haunt her" story is stupid, but I think the Anna/Valentin angle is smart and sexy. A soap storyline is often less important than the individual components that fuel it, and this is a great example — its true success will likely still come down to whoever's waiting in the wings to play the villain, but for now, that person's identity matters less than the narrative scaffolding leading up to the reveal. If this is the prelude to a few weeks of Anna and Valentin skulking around behind each other's backs, I doubt I'll complain.
This also seems like a decent spot for singing the praises of Sam and Dante, who are sort of tangentially wrapped up in the Pikeman story. Historically, I haven't had a ton of use for these characters; nothing against either of them, really, but I've long felt that the show didn't really know what to do with Dante and I still have PTSD from Sam's many years as a Jason appendage. I'm also not much of a shipper, so it's really rare for me to actively care about any given couple on the show — but for my money, these two are a fantastic case study in how two characters can be slapped together for no apparent reason beyond proximity and age bracket, but still turn out to make absolutely perfect sense.
The scenes that moved me to say all these nice things took place on Friday, after Dante got home from a long day at the station and Sam left Molly's surrogate reveal party just as Kristina barged in looking for a fight. After a playful game of rock-paper-scissors to determine who got to share the events of their day first, they talked about what's going on with Anna and Valentin as well as Cody, Gladys, and Sasha, and while the conversation itself wasn't anything special, it really drove home for me how much I appreciate the playful, easy chemistry between Dominic Zamprogna and Kelly Monaco — as well as the many ways in which their characters are wired into virtually every corner of the canvas. They're both so dynamic, and so easy to plug into multiple stories, that I really don't think they need much drama of their own; they could settle easily into domestic bliss and become a cornerstone couple without ever running out of interesting things to do.
Much has been written in recent weeks about GH trying to turn Finn and Liz into "the next Steve and Audrey," and while that effort reeks of a disconnection from reality on the part of the show's current regime, it's also a strong commentary on the way they've wiped out virtually every long-term couple they've had over the last 20 years. It's important for GH to have couples that last; it feeds into the generational dynamic that's so crucial to this type of serial storytelling. But rather than try to force something that doesn't exist, why not lean into what's already there? These are both legacy characters who've banked plenty of time on the show, they have children of their own, and they both have jobs that make it relatively easy to write for them. Plant 'em together and watch 'em grow.
Gregory Chase, Bad Babysitter of the Week
While it isn't exactly uncommon for soap viewers to loudly wish for a character's death, that usually doesn't happen unless the character in question is a villain who's not only irredeemable, but painful to watch. Poor Gregory Chase never hurt anybody, but I'd wager that precious few viewers are the slightest bit upset about his impending demise. It'd be sad if we'd ever been given any indication that this character served a single purpose beyond being pasted onto the canvas for a disease-of-the-month story; as it is, I can only find the audience's antipathy appropriate. Gregory contributes nothing, and a month after his funeral, he'll probably never be mentioned again. If the writers really wanted to raise awareness of ALS, there were better ways of doing it.
Be that as it may, I also thought last week's Gregory/Finn scenes were pretty well done, and also felt like they highlighted Michael Easton and Gregory Harrison's strengths in ways the show has been bizarrely reluctant to embrace. Here's how it went down: After Elizabeth showed up to get Finn for another of their gross dates, Gregory came by to babysit Violet — and as you knew would happen the minute he entered Finn's apartment, ol' Grandpa Gregory ended up having an episode while watching her. He took a tumble while she was out of the room, and although he played it off as a simple klutzy trip, she was freaked out enough to tell Finn, who quickly cottoned to the fact that his dad's health is an issue.
Pressed for answers, Gregory finally came clean, telling Finn he'd been diagnosed with ALS six months ago. Finn was justifiably upset, wanting to know why his dad kept his illness to himself all that time, and the resulting exchange was as well-written as it was well-acted. I think Easton is an awkward fit for daytime in general because I don't think he's ever been believable as a romantic partner, and it's my opinion that he's fallen back on a pretty simple bag of tricks in a futile bid to compensate. But he also seems like a conscientious and generous scene partner with a dextrous command of his emotional palette, and that came shining through as Finn gave into grief and then resolved to help his family get through their looming heartache. I'd like to say "10/10, no notes," but I do have one big note for the writers, and it's this: That's how Michael Easton should be used. He's strong when you ask him to be a brother, son, father, friend, doctor, et cetera. Make him co-chief of staff, put him in a Santa suit every Christmas Eve, and let him dispense all the wisdom in the world, but stop asking him to blush and stutter like he's at his first middle school dance. We'll all be better off for it.
Cody Says "Restrain Deez Nuts"
Another week, another batch of scenes depicting Sasha being drugged out of her mind and gaslighted by disgusting Doctor Montague. Like many of you, I despise this storyline and can't wait for it to end — and much as I think characters like Gladys can be good for color on the canvas, she's been turned into such a cartoon villain at this point that there's nowhere for her to go but away for a long, long time.
Fortunately, it does seem like the writers are at least somewhat invested in wrapping this up, albeit in rather slapdash fashion. Last week, Gladys filed for a restraining order against Cody following his disastrous Ferncliff break-in the week before. Cody responded to the news by trying to physically attack her in the middle of the police station, but when she said she wanted to press charges, Mac not-so-subtly reminded her that if she did, they'd have to investigate his allegations against her, so she slithered into the night.
Cody, meanwhile, was quickly dragged into the interrogation room with Dante, where he made a big (and not remotely believable) show of pretending to be going through some sort of mental episode. Dante immediately saw through the ruse and called Cody out on trying to get himself committed so he could try to help Sasha — a cause to which Dante's clearly sympathetic, but one that's being consistently undermined by Cody's clumsy tactics.
The one silver lining in this shitshow is that it has changed Cody from a scummy grifter into more of a three-dimensional character. Again, I'm not a shipper and I have no real stakes in who ends up with whom, but if Cody and Sasha come out of this with some sort of happily ever after, I'm certainly not going to be mad about it. Sasha has more than earned a long, boring period of bliss, and I think Josh Kelly and Sofia Mattsson are fun to watch together, so let's just cut to the chase and get Sasha the hell out of Ferncliff — preferably by having her and Cody pull a Luke and Laura, sending Gladys to a convent in the Arctic Circle.
Montague, meanwhile, can be hit by a dump truck. Not only is the character incredibly cruel, he makes no sense as he's written — there's no viable endgame for whatever the hell he's doing with Sasha's medication. He claims she's been taking illegal drugs, but that can only account for her zonked-out demeanor for so long. He's reassigned her nurse practitioner for asking too many questions; he's made a point of intercepting her blood work report. He and Gladys can restrict access to Sasha all they want, but this is a well-known woman with plenty of assets and lots of friends, at least one of whom is eager to shoot first and ask questions later. It's all very difficult to watch for any number of reasons and I really hope we're reaching the end.
Pautauk Yahoos
Once again, I would like to state for the record that I desperately wish this whole Austin/Ava/Mason storyline hadn't been braided into Sonny's Pikeman deal, although the bitter sting of my disappointment has been tempered somewhat by the dawning realization that the writers intend to turn Pikeman into a big ol' umbrella that will cover a large group of characters — and it also means that after eons of puttering around with Austin, the show is finally giving him something to do. You take the good, you take the bad, etc. etc. etc.
I wouldn't say last week's episodes were good or bad where these characters are concerned, although I do resent the fact that their shenanigans are being used to make Nina insecure about her relationship with Sonny, and I swear to you all that this column will take a very dark turn if he and Carly really do get back together when all this is said and done. Anyway, setting that aside, there was some genuine progress here last week.
Here's where things stand in a nutshell: Brick loaded a USB drive with fake Pikeman information as well as some program designed to do magical Hollywood hacker stuff, which Sonny then deposited on his computer and left lying around for Betty to find when she was left unsupervised at the penthouse. Sure enough, Betty copied the files and took them back to Mason, who was (of course) hanging around Austin's office at GH and dismissing Austin's thousandth pleas to be allowed to walk away from whatever organization they're part of. It's mostly stuff we've heard before, with one significant exception: A year after referring to their boss as "she," Mason said "he," which dampens my enthusiasm for the reveal significantly. (We also learned that the boss paid for Austin's medical degree, which sucks for Austin, but is still probably preferable to making student loan payments for the rest of his life.)
I would like to believe that Sonny's scheme will be discovered by this mysterious big boss and there will be meaningful consequences, otherwise the boss in question really sucks at his job and the rest of the story will be much lamer as a result. In the interest of moving things along, however, I would also be willing to accept some cyber ninja trickery from Brick, if only to finally bring this bad guy out of the shadows and start the clock on the (hopefully) one-to-two-year period during which they'll squat on the canvas and make life miserable for various characters. Who will it be? How much will we laugh and/or shake our collective fist? Only time will tell, and hopefully not too much of it.
Those were the major plot points from last week, but here's (most of) the rest of what went down:
Olivia and Eddie bonded a little
Curtis still can't feel his legs and is still very sad about that, but he has a new physical therapist (pictured above) and Marshall showed up just in the nick of time to tell Selina (also pictured above) that the Savoy is not for sale
Molly and TJ interviewed three surrogates and picked a woman named Andrea, who's being played by Gregory Harrison's daughter Lily Anne
Kristina and Molly fought about Molly A) not inviting her to the surrogate reveal party and B) not picking her to be the surrogate because she's selfish or whatever
Trina and Spencer are still not having tons of hot sex
Felicia is still looking for a purpose, and Mac suggested working at the hospital
Sonny's getting Drew out of solitary early as a favor to Carly (yuck)
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