Here we are again, fellow General Hospital viewers — another week has come and gone, which means it's time for me to put my Critical Diagnosis cap back on so we can take a look back together. Stuff happened! Some of it was entertaining, some of it was befuddling, and some of it was a little maddening! It was GH, in other words.
Well, enough preamble, friends. Let's dive in.
I'm Giving You a Chance to Make Amends
Much like a kid trying to gulp down a cup full of cold medicine in a single shot, I'm going to get last week's dumbest development out of the way first — namely, the meeting that went down between Martin and Michael after Michael summoned Martin to his office in what should have been a futile attempt to strongarm him into admitting that Nina is the one who asked him to tell the SEC about Carly and Drew's insider trading.
As others have pointed out, Martin's top client is Valentin, who isn't scared of Sonny and would do just about anything to protect Nina. When Michael tried to intimidate Martin by invoking the threat of Sonny handling the situation "his way," Martin should have laughed in his face and called Valentin; instead, he turned quisling and caved like a wuss.
I get that this abrupt gear shift in the storyline might have needed to happen in order for the fi-core writers to shove it toward its inevitably infuriating conclusion before they're replaced, but it still makes absolutely no sense. Michael is arguably the least intimidating character on the show; in a saner version of Port Charles, he'd spend most of his time hiding from a group of middle school students who are waiting to harass him every time he goes out in public. He is a mewling doofus. Almost any other character would have been a better choice to serve this function in the story.
But I'm going to add a very small caveat, which is this: Michael does make a little sense as the first one to find out about Nina's SEC tip, if only because he spent months working to bring Sonny down, so his involvement here is interesting from a "they both have their secrets" perspective — or at least it could be, if GH wasn't perpetually committed to insisting that every single member of the Corinthos family is always just the absolute best. I personally would find it amusing if Nina found out about Michael's underhanded moves, forcing him into a stalemate and leaving Drew to die in prison, but I'm sure that isn't what we're going to get; instead, we'll be forced to watch Nina grovel all over again. I hope she at least punches Martin in the face for this.
The Hell with the Boss
Daytime has always been very dialogue-driven, and ever shall it be thus, no matter how many times network executives insist that deaths and explosions are necessary to drive up the ratings during sweeps. The dialogue-heavy nature of the medium means that shows like General Hospital generally excel at laying the groundwork for major storylines — if you have to rely on people talking about stuff to fill up a lot of your airtime, you're going to have no shortage of conversations that establish and ramp up the stakes. And as often as not, I tend to think that soaps handle climactic conclusions reasonably well, too, even if that's largely because they build up so much tension with their narrative dawdling that any measure of long-awaited action tends to come as a relief.
But you can't go straight from laying the groundwork to wrapping stuff up — any well-told story ratchets up the tension by a matter of degrees, and you usually need some sort of middle ground between talking about stuff and blowing stuff up to accomplish that in a satisfying way. Here's where I think soaps often screw it up, at least under their current constraints. The showrunners have to be very judicious about where they spend money, so anything that requires the characters to move to a new set will typically be saved for some sort of climax; as a result, the viewer tends to be jerked from zero to 60 without a lot of gear-shifting in between.
I bring all this up because the Mason/Austin/Ava/Cyrus story has been puttering along since the summer of 2022, with Mason making a lot of repetitive threats and everyone else angrily telling him to go to hell and then doing whatever he says anyway — but over the last couple of weeks, he's suddenly become a man of action. First he kidnapped Ava on Cyrus' orders; then, last week, he abruptly decided he didn't feel like following orders anymore, and got himself shot for his trouble.
Here's how it went down: Although the audience was led to believe that Ava had been kidnapped because Cyrus suspected her of telling Sonny about Mason's blackmail, it turns out he really had Mason lock her in a basement because he needed extra leverage to force Austin to speak on his behalf in front of the judge who ended up granting him his hardship release from Pentonville. Satisfied with the outcome, Cyrus told Mason to take Ava home — but Mason, apparently nursing a long grudge over Ava treating him like "white trash," growled "the hell with the boss" and decided to throw her off a cliff.
Fortunately for Ava, Dex arrived just in time to distract Mason, telling him he had a clean shot and he had to let her go. Mason, unimpressed, fired at Dex; after Ava got free, Mason and Dex started tussling on the ground, with Mason inches away from chucking Dex off that ledge when Dante arrived and fired a couple rounds into Mason's back. Once Mason arrived at the hospital, Austin realized something had to have happened to or with Ava, so he called her — and Ava, already nursing a cocktail, just stared balefully at her phone and let it go to voicemail.
So now we have Mason recuperating at GH, Dante on administrative leave pending an investigation into the shooting, and Austin in a tizzy about Ava. The one shoe that's left to drop is Cyrus, who's bound to be peeved about Mason going off-script and trying to do away with Ava against his orders — and I suspect that'll be the first loose end that gets tied up, presumably through Cyrus murdering Mason by stabbing him with a cross or force-feeding him communion wafers and Bible pages until he dies. Unless, that is, Sonny gets to Mason first, and forces him to spill his guts about who he's been working for…
What's in Texas?
While Cyrus was making his return to Port Charles society, one of his earlier victims was busy packing to get out of town. Cody stopped in to see Sasha after their daring escape from Ferncliff, only to find her surrounded by moving boxes; when he asked her what was going on, she told him she's decided to move to Austin, Texas.
Cody, of course, was initially baffled by her decision, especially given that it's coming just as she's poised to get her life back, but Sasha explained that pretty much everything in Port Charles is a reminder of some sort of trauma. This makes a whole lot of sense, but it didn't stop Cody from trying to remind her that everyone is haunted by their past to some degree — and to prove it, he up and admitted that he's been hiding the secret of his true paternity from Mac.
How will this impact the long-simmering Cody/Mac storyline? We don't know yet, because Maxie showed up in the middle of the conversation, interrupting Cody and Sasha's heart-to-heart (and simultaneously treating us to one of last week's funniest GH moments by raising a quizzical eyebrow and asking "Whaat's in Texas" after Sasha told her she's moving to Austin). Following Cody's quick exit, Maxie and Sasha had their own brief bonding session, with Maxie supporting Sasha's decision even though she doesn't want her to leave town.
What Sasha doesn't know is that Maxie only showed up at her apartment to warn her that Deception is getting ready to replace her as the face of the company. Although Maxie ended up lying and saying she only came by the see her friend, her original plan was to spill the beans about Lucy offering Blaze the gig — a necessary move in Lucy's eyes, given that the company is working its way back from Sasha's bumpy tenure as spokesmodel as well as the tumult caused by Tracy's lawsuit.
I try to avoid spoilers, so I really don't know what the show has planned for Sasha, but from a narrative standpoint, this really wouldn't be the worst time for the character to take a break from the canvas. Even if it's only for a few months — hopefully enough time for John J. York to get through his cancer treatment — it'd give the show's favorite trauma sponge time to reset before returning and being part of whatever comes next for Cody and Mac. In the meantime, perhaps we'll learn more about whatever went down between Cody and Dante when they were teenagers.
As for Blaze, she's intrigued but conflicted about the idea of becoming the new face of Deception — and we know this because she took advantage of the teleportation portal between Port Charles and Sonny's island, requiring all of two or three scenes between leaving her meeting at the Metro Court and arriving in paradise. Surprise, surprise! Turns out Blaze has a family connection to Sonny's casino, making it the perfect spot to continue the ongoing chemistry test between her and Kristina.
The sudden Sonny connection makes me worry that this will all lead to Blaze having some dumb vendetta against him, but for the moment, I'm more than willing to watch these two establish a connection. Although the character of Blaze came from a very silly place, I think Jacqueline Grace Lopez is fun to watch when she's given good material to work with, and I also feel like Kate Mansi is settling into the role of Kristina — who's definitely going to need something to do long-term besides tending bar at Charlie's and establishing her social justice credentials with the Corinthos-Davis House. Giving Kristina a girlfriend now will probably only further piss off viewers who've been upset about the way the show bungled her relationship with Parker, but hey — maybe there's something here.
Before we leave the island, we of course need to stop in on the newlyweds, who were cuddled in bed when Sonny got a call from (sigh) Carly, who had to be the one to tell him that Ava had been kidnapped and Cyrus is out of prison. Sonny, as we all know, only has three or maybe four ways of responding to bad news; this time out, he fell back on his old favorite, muttering "son of a bitch" and glaring into the middle distance.
You Remember Me
Now that it looks like the Eddie Maine chunk of the SEC story has been spun off into its own little corner of the canvas, I guess we're settling into an arc that's just about Ned/Eddie and the ways his past choices have informed his present. Which is… fine with me, I think? I mean, it's still very stupid to imagine that someone could slip, hit their head, and wake up thinking they're their own former stage persona brought to life, but I was in no way mad at the way ripples from that event played out on GH last week.
"You may not remember Olivia, but you remember me," Lois insisted to Eddie, and although he denied having any memory of her, he went ahead and apologized for the secrets Ned kept from her (including, uh, bigamy) — which only made her angry, because as she told him at top volume, he's forgotten everything that's convenient to forget as well as a lifetime of meaningful memories that impact a whole array of loved ones. (We even got a pretty great flashback montage to prove it.)
I'm kind of torn about all this, because in general, I think soaps should do everything they can to avoid mistaking incident for story. The former is just stuff that happens onscreen and then it's over, whereas on a show that's really working, the latter is tied into the past and impacts the future in a meaningful way. This Ned/Eddie business is definitely tied deeply into GH's past, but it bears the strong, unmistakable scent of an interlude that'll lead to nothing more than a return to the status quo. I can't see any really compelling options for lasting change here. Ned has long since made peace with his musical side, so this isn't about him integrating his creativity into his business ambitions. I don't see the point.
On the other hand, as I said last week, the sheer longevity of a show like GH makes it possible for history to outweigh narrative deficiencies on a moment-to-moment level, and even though I'm afraid this whole thing is one big dead end topped off with a side helping of stunt casting, last week's Eddie/Lois/Brook Lynn/Chase/Tracy scenes are a great example of this principle in action. Lois' anger at Eddie's apology made all kinds of sense, as did Eddie's subsequent annoyed fatigue — and Tracy's willingness to listen as he vented to her about his frustrations. Also? Rena Sofer and Amanda Setton are a pretty perfect match.
It's also wonderful that Sofer's back at the same time that Jane Elliot is back for an extended stay. There aren't enough actors who can give as good as they get when they're playing a character who's going up against Tracy Quartermaine, but Lois and Tracy got into it pretty good last week, with Lois laying into Tracy for blackmailing Brook Lynn. Tracy, of course, remained unflappable, telling Lois that she secured a controlling interest in Deception for Brook Lynn — as she put it, "I don't want her to waste her life on music and have nothing to show for it, like you did."
Lois, for her part, thinks Brook Lynn will want no part of Deception now that it's been tainted by Tracy's corporate espionage. Tracy disagrees. I suppose we'll all just have to wait and see.
Charlotte, Can You Keep a Secret?
Initially, I thought it was a little weird that Laura would drop her search for Nikolas in order to come home and help Valentin with Charlotte even though he didn't give her any details about the situation. I mean, Laura is a saint and Charlotte is her granddaughter, but still — that's a long way to go after a 30-second phone conversation, especially when you're trying to ascertain whether your first-born child is dead or alive, and where exactly he is if he's the latter.
Setting all that aside, I really liked the way the show handled Laura's return to Port Charles last week. To his credit, Valentin immediately came clean with her, telling her that not only was Charlotte caught on camera letting herself into Anna's suite before it was vandalized, but also that he suspects Charlotte's the one who burned Anna's house down. Laura, ever the optimist, doesn't want to believe Charlotte is the arsonist — and she also immediately came to the conclusion that Victor must be behind whatever's going on.
After getting Laura up to speed, Valentin quickly bugged out and left her with Charlotte — and Laura got right down to business, subtly trying to get Charlotte to talk about her feelings regarding Valentin's relationship with Anna. To aid in her efforts, Laura opened up to Charlotte, revealing that she herself had a troubled childhood that included "some really big mistakes" — which, as longtime GH viewers are well aware, is a serious understatement. During the course of their talk, Laura made it clear that she wants to be there for Charlotte the same way Lesley was there for her when she was a kid, which struck me as a smart and rather impactful parallel which leverages a lot of history in ways we know we can't always expect from this show. For a few moments, it appeared as though Charlotte might be getting ready to confess something, but in the end, all she did was tell Laura she missed her and she's glad she's back in town.
One potentially minor thing in all this: Charlotte told Laura she has no female friends at school, while at more or less the same moment, Elizabeth was in the middle of a conversation with Drew which included the news that Jake and Charlotte are dating — and that, in Liz's words, Charlotte is the most popular girl in the class. Could be nothing, could be a case of the writers not paying attention to each other, or it could be a key to the story. Time will tell.
I Can't Show You Love the Way I Used To
If Trina and Portia were in a place where they could discuss their love lives with one another, they might have done some serious bonding last week. Portia knocked on Curtis' bedroom door in search of some conjugal bliss, only to be rebuffed; meanwhile, Trina finally got fed up with Spencer's fixation on Ace and Esme, telling him in no uncertain terms that he needs to start thinking about his future — and, by extension, his future with her.
Based on the reactions I've seen from other viewers, these scenes were a best of times/worst of times scenario for a lot of you. On the Curtis/Portia side, there's been a rising tide of fatigue with both characters for months, which I can absolutely understand. I'm really not a fan of their storyline, and I agree that the show's made a mistake in terms of making Curtis so focused on all the things he's lost as a result of his injury and subsequent paralysis.
What also strikes me about this story is that the show's done it much better in the past — and not even the recent past. Those who were watching GH in the mid-'80s will likely remember that Tony Jones was shot and nearly killed by Jack Slater during the Aztec treasure storyline, and spent months learning to speak and walk again. Until the show decided to make him lose his mind in the '90s, Tony was arguably one of the most evolved and emotionally aware men on the canvas in any era of General Hospital, but even he succumbed to frustration and anger during this period, and one of his specific hangups was the feeling that he was no longer a man because he couldn't make love to his wife.
If you've got the time, go back and watch that stuff on YouTube, and compare it to the way the writers have chosen to frame Curtis' situation. Aside from there being less nuance and depth overall — and the fact that Curtis was on his way to becoming an insufferable full-time mope even before that bullet lodged itself in his back — the emphasis here does a disservice to people experiencing similar things in real life. It crowds out moments of joy and spiritual growth in favor of trauma porn. Think about it this way: What if the shooting had been a wake-up call for Curtis instead of a gateway to further self-pity? What if waking up without the use of his legs served to remind him what he still had, and everything he'd risked throwing away before his injury? What if this brought Curtis and Portia closer together as they explored the marriage they now had rather than the one they'd imagined?
This is just one possibility, but you get the idea — it'd be infinitely preferable to a standard story that feeds into the narrative that people who don't have the abilities most of us take for granted are to be patronized or treated as objects of pity. Aside from being reductive and hurtful, it's simply tired. And even though I'm sure the writers thought they were adding a dash of realism by having Curtis and Portia talk about sex in the context of his condition, it did nothing to alter the fundamental imbalance in this storyline.
Speaking of imbalance, it's been an awfully long time since Trina was allowed to be anything other than kind and patient, even with regards to the trauma she suffered at the hands of the alleged amnesiac with whom her boyfriend is currently living and co-parenting. That came to an end last week when she finally dumped a figurative bucket of cold water on Spencer's plans to play house with Esme and Ace indefinitely, pointing out that not only is Esme the same person who did those awful things, but that his vision has no logical endpoint. Ace will get older and Esme will need to make decisions that will impact Spencer's access to his brother — and no matter how upset he gets when people remind him of this fact, Spencer has no parental rights where his baby brother is concerned.
By and large, I think Spencer and Trina's post-Greenland relationship has been a story of perplexingly blown potential, but I liked this conversation — not just because Trina was given the opportunity to speak up for herself, but because she showed him uncomfortable truths about himself in a firm yet not unkind way. When she asked him where he sees himself in five years, he was caught totally flat-footed, only able to mumble something about having fun with friends and family — and that makes perfect sense, because even though Spencer is capable of selflessness and even heroism, he's also a very pampered young man who relies on unearned wealth and power. I'm not sure the writers have any grand plan to tie it all together, but there's been a lot of talk on GH over the past couple of months about the deep and lingering trauma that goes along with simply being a Cassadine, or being pulled into their orbit. Laura, Valentin, Charlotte, Spencer… is Trina next?
Well. I could go on and on — I'm on the fence as to whether Alexis' interview with Judge Kim merits its own handful of paragraphs this week — but for now, I think I've probably gone on long enough. Here's your customary smattering of bullet points to take us all the way home:
Gregory thanked Tracy for telling Chase about his ALS (and then beat her at backgammon)
Cyrus told Carly he's found religion, and also told Drew that he's the one who found him in the shower, thus clearing his life debt
Jordan seems to think Austin's response to Mason's kidnapping of Ava is pretty fishy
Felicia urged Maxie to forgive Brook Lynn
Finn asked Elizabeth to go away with him for the weekend
Drew was cleared to return to prison and transferred back to Pentonville
Robert and Diane are going to try dating or something; at the same time, Valentin urged Anna to stay with friends who can help protect her, thus raising the specter of a raggedy-ass "love triangle" or something along those lines
Alexis caught Clarence Thom — er, Judge Kim in a lie about his friendship with a right-wing billionaire; he stormed out, but Alexis later learned that the judge might be reconsidering Drew's sentence
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