Welcome back, my General Hospital-watching friends, to the show that (hopefully) never ends. We've just been through a week that started with a shrug and ended with a bang — let's take a look back together, shall we?
Charlotte Gets Popped
There was plenty of this 'n' that going on last week, but on balance, it was really Anna's week — she was on four out of five days, her story saw the most motion, and the week-ending cliffhanger involved her shooting a defenseless teenager she most likely views as a daughter. For the most part, this was pretty good stuff — you can't go too far wrong when Finola Hughes is onscreen — although I still feel like the writers are hedging their bets quite a bit where this storyline is concerned, and no matter how entertaining last week's developments might have been on a moment-to-moment basis, it's hard not to feel like there's no clear vision for how it's supposed to develop and where it's supposed to lead.
Anna's journey last week started on Tuesday, when she met Felicia at Kelly's for a "caffeine infusion" that led to a conversation about her living situation. Like a lot of you, I imagine, I tend to assume that anytime a character leaves their home, it's only happening because the show wants to save money by striking the set; in other words, I assumed that once Maxie moved out of her apartment and into Dante and Lulu's old home, we'd seen the last of that place. But no! After hearing that Anna felt like she needed to get out of the Metro Court and into her own digs, Felicia suggested that she sublet Maxie's old apartment — a suggestion that Anna readily accepted after touring the place.
Now, I will admit that the notion of Anna being excited to move into Maxie's tiny apartment after living in her posh townhouse for several years is a little silly. It's also hard not to wonder how the hell she's paying the rent, especially given that she has no job and she's been staying in an allegedly five-star hotel for months. But if we can suspend our disbelief for Casey the Alien, we can definitely do it for Anna Devane, and the important thing here is that for her, moving into Maxie's old place represents a new beginning. Looking happier than she had in months, she told Felicia and Maxie that "only good things" would happen from here on out — which, as we all know, is the soap equivalent of sticking your tongue on a lightning rod in the middle of a storm.
That storm didn't take long to arrive, either. Anna bopped over to Valentin's place to tell him about her new pad… and left without her keys thanks to Charlotte, who pocketed Anna's keyring and started plotting shenanigans. Anna, meanwhile, met Robert at her apartment so he could help her move a storage chest that Robin had been hanging onto for her — a storage chest that, much to my delight, is packed with notes and files from her early years in the WSB. Stupidly shrugging off her missing key, Anna had the super let her in and started digging into that stuff, quickly deciding that a "smarmy bastard" named Forsythe is the most likely suspect behind all the bad things that have been happening to her. Wasting no time, she hightailed it over to Robert's office to confer about Forsythe, who was apparently a pretty lame agent, and who will also apparently stop at nothing in order to keep the truth about his tenure at the Bureau from coming out.
As you are no doubt very aware if you've been reading this column for any length of time, I'm a sucker for stories that leverage the WSB's classic era, and I basically steepled my fingers and muttered "excellent" like Mr. Burns when Anna pulled files from 1983, 1984, and 1989 out of that chest. The way this is being set up strikes me as suboptimal, however. If this Forsythe guy knows Anna has dirt on him, he must have known for a very long time — so why go after her now? I understand that the show is at least pretending to hedge its bets as far as Charlotte's involvement in the arson is concerned, and we're meant to keep guessing whether there's really any other threat to Anna at all. Still, last week's episodes presented Anna as a bit of a dope on more than one occasion, and I don't care for it. You'd think that in her heightened state of urgency, she wouldn't be so quick to shrug off a missing set of keys, and you'd also hope that if the writers are even going to go so far as to pretend that she's dug up an enemy from her past, they'd do it in a way that makes old viewers like me lean in.
But I digress, because last week wasn't really about Forsythe at all — it was about Charlotte, who peeled away from Jake, Danny, and Georgie while they were trick-or-treating and made a beeline for Anna's apartment. Finding it empty thanks to Anna's quick conference with Robert, Charlotte let herself in and helped herself to the contents of that storage chest, only to suffer a flashlight malfunction just in time for Anna to throw the door open, gun drawn, and shoot her black-cloaked intruder. How's that for a cliffhanger?
Because this is a drama, we know Valentin isn't going to do the smoothest job of dealing with this situation — which, as many of you have loudly noted, is all his fault anyway, because he hid Charlotte's Victor-driven vendetta from Anna. Now, of course you aren't going to be happy about it when your child is shot, but there's no way this incident isn't driving at least a temporary wedge between Anna and Valentin. I can deal with this; what I don't much care for is the writers deciding to heap another mound of guilt on one of GH's most guilt-ridden characters, no matter how well Finola Hughes sells the hell out of Anna's pain.
There's also the matter of Laura knowing what Charlotte has been up to and deciding not to tell Anna. How's Anna going to respond to this when it comes out? And now that Kevin's had an appointment with Charlotte and come away deeply suspicious of her caginess, how will he fit into whatever happens next? There are flaws in this story for sure, but it's also loaded with soapy potential, and despite my limited misgivings, I'm really looking forward to seeing where it goes next — especially given that we know the direction of the show could (and likely will) take a few sharp pivots once the fi-core scripts run out in a handful of weeks.
Cyrus and the Gatlin Gang
Everything else that happened on the show last week really was seriously overshadowed by all the motion in Anna's story, but we still need to devote a few paragraphs to Cyrus' ongoing quest to frighten and/or annoy everyone in Port Charles, as well as the looming reckoning that Austin's bound to face for his involvement in the ruse that fooled Ava into mistakenly believing for months that she'd killed Nikolas.
As predicted, Austin's attempted murder of Mason was quickly foiled by TJ, although the show took a weak stab at trying to trick us into believing otherwise when TJ sat down next to Austin at Charlie's last Monday and said "We need to talk about your cousin" [Cue dramatic music]. Ever the thoughtful guy, Austin told TJ he's grateful to him for intervening and thereby preventing him from ruining his own life — although he still has no shortage of other problems to deal with, including an irate Ava, who found out courtesy of Laura that Nikolas is alive and well.
Summoned to Ava's gallery, a semi-drunk Austin lied when asked whether he'd known all along that Nikolas is alive. This is the type of thing Ava should see through immediately; instead, the writers had her tell Austin that she wants to believe him, and it scares her. Total hooey, but Maura West is an absolute pro, and against all odds and reason, she made the whole thing believable.
TJ, meanwhile, left Charlie's and went back to the hospital, where he entered Mason's room and made sure he understood that the attempt on his life was only thwarted because TJ thinks death would be letting him off too easy. Like I said in the last column, it's all sorts of obvious that we're headed for a whodunit here, which is fine; whatever utility Mason might have had as one of Cyrus' minions has been used up, and his parting gift to the canvas might as well be a couple months of murder mystery madness.
For the rest of the week, Cyrus continued popping up in places where he wasn't wanted, starting with Trina's dreams — she woke up screaming in her dorm room after having a nightmare about Spencer letting him take her hostage, which sent Joss running to her bedside and Adam (who's getting a lot of screentime lately) hustling to their door. While Trina got Joss caught up on her confrontation with Cyrus from the week before, the real live Cyrus showed up at Laura's apartment, where he had a few tense moments with Esme and Ace before Spencer arrived.
There was a time in the not-too-distant past when the writers had Spencer mouthing off and going toe-to-toe with just about every other character on the show, which really highlighted Nicholas Alexander Chavez's knack for glib smartassery and helped make Spencer one of the more dynamic characters on the canvas. Those days are sadly long gone, but we did at least get a few flickers of the old spark during Spencer's confrontation with Cyrus — unlike most people in town, he isn't cowed by his ex-con great-uncle, and although he remains grateful for the way Cyrus looked out for him while they were both in Pentonville, Spencer isn't afraid to come out and say he absolutely views him as a threat.
These scenes were deeply entertaining largely because Jeff Kober is so damn good at dialing Cyrus' menace up and down from moment to moment. He makes you believe that Cyrus believes his criminal days are behind him and he's been saved by his faith in a higher power — but he also makes you believe there's a flood of violence that's constantly being just barely held in check. In perpetually asking for forgiveness and being ticked off when he doesn't get it, Cyrus is a raging hypocrite — but he's also well aware of the fact that just about everyone else in Port Charles has a problematic past too, and a lot of the folks who hate him are at least faintly hypocritical in their condemnation. I'm not sure how much I really believe that the show will bring Cyrus' story to a satisfying or even sensible conclusion, but Kober is taking the ingredients that are being handed to him and turning them into a feast. I hope they keep Cyrus on a slow boil for at least a year, because I can't remember the last time the show had a villain who was so organically woven into a legacy family and so well-suited to walking the line between sincere and creepy as hell.
After having it out with Spencer, Cyrus got an earful from Laura, who agrees with their brother Martin's prognosis that he's "playing possum" but still can't quite bring herself to shut the guy out completely. Although she was in no mood to hear Cyrus compliment Ace, telling him he has no business being around children, she agreed to open the lines of communication a little — as long as Cyrus agreed to stay away from her home unless he's invited to be there.
Finally, after leaving Laura's, Cyrus went to Kelly's and asked Carly for a job. It was just as wacko as it looks in print, and even though it didn't go anywhere, I loved watching it anyway. Lord help me, I love the idea of Cyrus slinging burgers in the Kelly's kitchen. I'm sure it won't happen, but if I were a fi-core writer on my way out, this is just the type of curveball I'd be inclined to throw as one of my last acts.
Tracy's Deception
Some characters are simply so wired into the canvas, and so good at moving story, that they don't need to go anywhere — or even necessarily be in the scene — in order to be the driving force behind whatever's happening. Exhibit A is the majestic Tracy Angelica Quartermaine, who cast a fairly long shadow over last week's action even though she never left the Q mansion.
The week started with another tiresome argument between Eddie (who questioned Tracy's methods of trying to get Brook Lynn to take over Deception), Olivia (who again loudly refused to have Eddie committed), and Tracy (who stirred the pot without moving a muscle). While all that was going on, Blaze met with Lucy and turned down her offer to be the new face of Deception — which was really pretty convenient for Lucy, since Tracy had already put the kibosh on that idea and Lucy doesn't have the power to override Tracy's decisions.
Lucy is nothing if not tenacious, however. After showing up at the Quartermaine mansion and vowing to Tracy that the Blaze decision will be the last one she makes over her objections, Lucy met with Scott, begging him to find a way to undo the deal that gave Tracy 51 percent of the company. Scott, of course, was very little help, but he didn't need to be — eventually, Lucy did the math and realized that she doesn't need to buy Tracy out of Deception; she really only needs to acquire enough of the company to tilt the balance back in her own favor, which amounts to a measly two percent.
Of course, two percent of an allegedly successful company like Deception is still worth a lot of money. Fortunately, Lucy's looking at a potential windfall: As she told Ava last week, she's found a buyer willing to pay the $25 million asking price for Wyndemere and Spoon Island. Ava wasn't exactly thrilled with the news, given that the buyer in question is hiding their identity behind a holding company, but she agreed to consider the deal if all $25 million goes immediately into escrow.
We all know that the person behind the holding company is Nikolas, but the reveal will still be good for a few minutes of empty-calorie drama, even if I'm at a loss as to why he'd go to the trouble of putting all that money in Ava's pocket in order to reacquire a property he could just as easily blackmail her into giving him. We'll cross that rickety bridge when we come to it; for now, my focus is limited to Lucy's commission from the sale, which seems like it could go a long way toward paying for that chunk of Deception.
In the meantime, Tracy and Brook Lynn seem to have arrived at some sort of temporary detente. After arguing over whether Brook Lynn would accept the gift of Deception, Tracy abruptly pulled back, accepting her granddaughter's explanation that giving up on her dreams of a career in the music business would rob her of her confidence. Seeming sincere, Tracy promised to back off, telling Brook Lynn that she has every confidence she'll be able to turn Blaze into a household name.
I don't know what Tracy's endgame is here. I'm really not convinced the writers know. But Jane Elliot is fun to watch even if all she's doing is swanning around the Quartermaine mansion while regarding enemies and loved ones alike with one raised eyebrow and a sphinxlike smirk. I'm guessing that eyebrow will shortly be raised in Sasha's direction — Maxie stopped by her apartment to let her know that Tracy had saved her job as the face of Deception, news that cheered and puzzled Ms. Gilmore in equal measure. A conversation between those two can't be far behind.
Drew's Out of Prison and Now the Rest of Us Are Trapped
In one of the most hilarious examples of a soap writing staff yelling "fuck it" and throwing a storyline out the window, last week concluded with the preposterous sight of Drew showing up at Kelly's, telling Carly "All I know is they said I was free to go," and sucking face with her.
Every nanosecond of this was silly. It's also the most painless way things could have gone at this point — I don't know if anybody really wanted to see GH fumble its way through an ill-advised attempt to braid a Clarence Thomas-inspired "corrupt judge" story into the decrepit strands of the brain-dead SEC saga. So fine, whatever, Alexis intimidated Judge Kim into commuting Drew's sentence. I know this means the soggy Crew love story is doomed to resume terminal velocity, and I know it means we're one step closer to these two dolts clutching their pearls over the inevitable revelation that Nina is the one who tipped off the SEC, but that's a more manageable variety of pain than the type that tends to follow this show's efforts to get timely and topical.
And with that bitter pill swallowed, let's get to the bullet points!
Lois and Sonny reconnected
Cam has a new girlfriend
Adam seems to have an unhealthy fixation on Joss, as well as a stack of family issues and emotional problems that are destined to feed into an Afterschool Special-worthy storyline
Eddie had a flashback to Ned and Lois' wedding
Diane invited Robert to some sort of black tie event
Kelly's threw a Halloween party for all eight of the children in town
Alexis, Molly, and Kristina had a very pleasant dinner
Willow had another Harmony dream
Michael spent the week rolling his eyes, sighing, and pursing his lips
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