Well, that was a very short week. Will it lead to a very short column? Let's jump in and find out together…
Daddy Issues
The big story of the week was Lucky and his return home, which so far has entailed a lot of wandering around town and reconnecting with people — Elizabeth, Sonny, Isaiah — while being poked, prodded, and waiting for test results.
The predominant theme throughout has been Lucky's guilt regarding his absence, which is two-pronged: not only is he kicking himself for not being around for Lulu after her injury or throughout her long hospital stay, he's also feeling bad about missing Aiden's childhood. He still hasn't seen Aiden yet, which might be a good thing, because he'll need as much time as possible to brace himself for the shock of a son who looks like he probably has about a foot on his dad and appears to be roughly the same age besides; in the meantime, he's hearing all sorts of nice things from people who acknowledge that he's been a bit of a deadbeat for the last ten-plus years, but he was off doing good stuff for folks in need, so it's really okay as long as he doesn't make any promises he can't keep.
This is the kind of thing that makes sense given the characters and the situation they're in, and it's also important to show it onscreen. On the other hand, it doesn't exactly make for riveting drama, particularly if it's unfolding during a week when there isn't a lot of action. This is more of an observation than a complaint; while I don't really care about Lucky as a character, and I definitely don't need to see him sitting down in Sonny's office so they can talk about Luke and Sonny can tell him how much his father loved him, I also recognize that Jonathan Jackson's return is important to a lot of people, and these conversations were likely more emotionally impactful to those viewers.
So after several days of table-setting, here's where we are: Lucky has been confirmed as a suitable donor for Lulu, Aiden isn't expecting much from his dad while he's back in town, and no one has been able to reach Laura and Kevin to tell them that her firstborn is safe, sound, and wolfing down BLTs at Bobbie's. We even got a couple more flashbacks to the '90s. Like I said, nothing objectionable in here at all, just a little dull and a little slow. I suspect the writers needed to let this story pause for a beat before Genie Francis returned from vacation, and if that's the case, there were plenty of worse ways to do it.
While Lucky hovered in a holding pattern last week, so did all the stuff surrounding the saga of his rescue and return to Port Charles. As you may recall, Anna and Jason shared a skin-crawling kiss when they thought they were about to die in Africa; as of right now, they haven't discussed that moment with each other, and they've both willfully avoided opportunities to talk about it with anyone else. When Felicia came by Anna's apartment for a post-adventure debrief, Anna told her about everything except the kiss; when Carly pressed Jason to tell her everything about the trip, he mumbled that nothing else happened, hopped on an elevator, and left her pouting in disbelief.
Also spinning her wheels for the moment is Ms. Holly Sutton. She hasn't seen Robert, although he knows she's back in town thanks to Brennan, who waltzed into Robert's office with a smirk on his face and asked him if he'd be willing to debrief his ex-wife. Although Robert isn't aware of it, he came very close to starting that process — Holly actually went to his office and almost knocked on the door, only to turn away with a tortured expression on her face. That expression was there because she'd just come from Maxie's house, where she first found James — who knew exactly who she was for some reason — and then Mac, who spent a few minutes catching her up on his new son and reminiscing about Dominique and Leopold before switching gears, coming in hot, and warning her not to ruin Robert's peaceful existence.
I confess that I don't have any idea what the writers are trying to do here. There's no disputing that Robert and Holly rank among the best couples this show has produced, and they were certainly one of the most entertaining pairings of their era. That era ended an awfully long time ago, however, and I can't remember the last time I felt any sparks between them. Maybe the monkey virus storyline? Maybe 1985? You get my point, and my point is this: while I'm glad to have both of them on the canvas, it may be time to think of other ways for their lives to intersect. He's nearly 80 and looks as well as sounds it; she can't say more than a few words without pausing to take a breath. This is not a knock against either of them; again, I'm happy whenever their characters surface. But there comes a time when rehashing the past starts to feel like gnashing on used gum, and in my opinion, this Robert/Holly business is now well past that point.
Anyway, Mac left Holly alone in the house for a few minutes while he took James to school, and while he was gone, she called someone to talk about "ice," a.k.a. diamonds. We also know that Sidwell's on his way to Port Charles with an axe to grind against Holly; sooner than later, he's bound to arrive and wreak the sort of havoc that will leave everyone in town shaking their heads and sighing about Holly pulling yet another con on yet another mark.
One last note about recent Lulu-related developments: While I've been fairly ambivalent about the character of Sam during much of Kelly Monaco's tenure on the show, I was appalled by the garbage the writers gave her to say last week when she arrived at the hospital to check in on Dante while he was visiting Lulu. The week before, Sam tore Carly a new one for asking Jason to go to Africa and refusing to help clear Alexis from Jagger's murder — and she was absolutely right to do so. As Sam pointed out, Carly was quick to ask Jason — Danny's father — to risk his life on Lulu's behalf, but she wasn't willing to lift a finger to help spring Alexis from Pentonville. It's all of Carly's entitlement, selfishness, and hypocrisy jammed into a gross little nutshell, and she deserved to have it shoved in her face. Someone must have disagreed, though, because Sam told Dante that she owes Carly an apology. However they kill off Sam, it won't matter, because she's already been thoroughly character assassinated.
Your Mystery Friend
What little narrative motion we saw last week came courtesy of the traction gained by the long-simmering story of Heather's potential release from Pentonville. After visiting her at the prison and somewhat confusingly neglecting to mention the discrepancy in her blood test results, Ric headed to Ava's gallery, where he must have intended to discuss strategy with his other high-profile client but instead ended up arguing about Heather with Ava. Ric was definitely not wrong when he pointed out that Ava knows what it feels like to be a town pariah and should therefore be a little more open to the possibility that Heather might not be quite as bad as everyone thinks, but Ava was super extremely not wrong when she pointed out that cobalt poisoning or no cobalt poisoning, Heather committed multiple murders, which is a very different kettle of fish.
Timing is everything, especially in Port Charles, and our latest example of this principle in motion comes courtesy of the call Ric received while he was jawing with Ava, which let him know that the results were in from the other labs he'd commissioned to screen Heather's blood panel. As all of us expected, those results all confirmed a drastic drop in Heather's cobalt levels, leaving the GH test the sole outlier. Like an idiot, Ric then shared this information with Ava, lamenting that despite it being good news, it still left him in the unenviable position of figuring out how to explain the difference between GH's results and everyone else's. Ava sensibly pointed out that the answer could be as simple as "someone at GH screwed with them," which got Ric's mental gears turning with a quickness.
Unfortunately for Ric and Heather, the conversation also got Ava thinking — and since she knows all the major players involved, it didn't take her long at all to figure out that the culprit had to be Portia. It also didn't take her long to brush aside Portia's feeble attempt at denial; within a few minutes, Ava had her trembling with her fingers at her temples, whimpering about how she just wanted to protect Trina. Of course, Ava's heavily invested in protecting Trina too — and she has some extra skin in the game too, given that she was almost felled by Heather's hook. The end result of this conversation? The re-emergence of badass Ava, who brushed aside the simpering ding-dong we've suffered through over the last several months and started barking orders at Portia. "It took me all of three minutes to realize it was you," pointed out Ava. "I won't be the only one, so like it or not, you're gonna need my help. Do what I tell you to do, and no one will know it was you."
While I dislike seeing Brad get dumped on, I can't hate on these developments at all. If we can suspend our disbelief long enough to believe that Ric would be so stupid as to share the details of another case with Ava, this is all fairly well-conceived, and everyone involved is behaving appropriately: Ric's own past mistakes allow him to have empathy for Heather, while Ava's love for Trina nearly matches Portia's, so it absolutely stands to reason that she'd be willing to move heaven and earth to keep Heather locked up, no matter who else has to suffer for it. The one weak link for me remains Portia, who has become an almost unrelentingly shrill and unpleasant character. As I've said before, she wasn't always written this way, and it isn't necessary for her to be written this way now; hopefully, her unholy union with Ava will restore some of her missing dimensions.
In the meantime, Brad can't go anywhere without being treated like trash. After agreeing to cover someone else's lab shift, he was questioned by Portia; after making his way to his station, he was confronted by Lucas, who's back on staff at GH and wanted to make sure Brad understands that their relationship is deader than Jessie Brewer. Where's Selina to threaten all these people when you need her?
Friday's episode ended with us being teased with the possibility that Ava and Portia won't even be able to collude against Brad, because Ric called Ava to tell her he'd filed some sort of emergency injunction or appeal that could spring Heather from Pentonville ASAP, but there's no way things will unfold that neatly. The Cobalt Chronicles shall continue.
That's it for the big stuff. Time for your bullets!
- Carly took credit for the WSB drone strike that wrecked Sidwell's camp
- Felicia told Anna that she should go on life-threatening adventures more often
- Nina told a visibly uncomfortable Curtis that she thinks her fling with Drew could turn into "something real"
- Molly stormed out of a visit with Alexis after failing to talk her out of remaining in prison to protect Kristina
- Ava asked Trina to run the gallery while she faces trial, but Trina said she's going back to school
- Jason visited Lulu, a.k.a. the only person in Port Charles who speaks less than he does
- Heather offered to look out for Alexis in exchange for her "belief," which she's ready to earn
- Trina and Gio had a silly spat about him not wanting to perform at the gallery
- Violet punched some kid named Garth for saying Finn is a drunk
- Lucas will be living with Carly
- Sonny told Carly that if they can't find the gun Alexis tossed off the bridge, he's ready to turn himself in
- Marshall got an offer to go on tour with Wynton Marsalis and Curtis talked him into accepting it, diddly zeebop badoo
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