There's a long list of things that fascinate me about the unique potential and capabilities of longform serial drama, and the top spot on that list is probably taken up by the sheer accumulation of stakes that occurs over time as you're telling a story an hour a day, five days a week, month after month, year after year. If the writers are able to consistently and intelligently plan ahead, this adds up to the type of narrative payoff you just can't get anywhere else. Unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, the writers often aren't able to plan ahead as consistently or intelligently as they need to. Actors come and go, network execs have notes, budgets dwindle — there are a lot of plates spinning all the time, and as a result, stories sometimes have to change mid-stream. Alternatively — and even worse — soaps sometimes have to start laying track for stories before the writers really even know where it'll lead. In both of those situations, the end result is typically a series of story developments that should pop, but instead land with a wet thud. This is all on my mind right now because last week, we finally met the mysterious associate Sidwell's been murmuring about for however many months. Soap fans tend to get pretty cynical over time, and when a show starts promising a major revelation, it's often easy (and correct) to bank on disappointment. But the magic of soaps is such that even though we know intellectually that we probably aren't going to be as blown away as we want, we still can't help but indulge in anticipation. Every so often, that anticipation is rewarded with something genuinely cool. That was not the case last week. For some time now, it's been a pretty common complaint that General Hospital has a villain problem. From my perspective, this is partly due to a lack of creativity, and partly due to the fact that the show's main character is a full-on monster who's been twisted to fit into a protagonist's role. The reasons don't really matter, though; the bottom line is that the show's truly classic bad guys (and gals) all date back 20 years or more. Even if you're inclined to include characters such as Faith Rosco and Alcazar (which I would, for the record), there's a pretty significant gap between the evildoers GH fans still talk about and the ones we've more recently seen in action. The identity of Sidwell's co-conspirator was teased for so long that there was probably never going to be an answer that felt like it truly justified all the buildup. That being said, I also feel like there are some basic guidelines for an intriguing villain, and most of them were fully ignored when the writers decided to go with WSB director Ross Cullum. I mean, first of all, his name is Ross, which doesn't sound remotely exciting or imposing. Second, the guy comes across as an annoyed fussbudget bureaucrat, not someone who oozes danger. Third, the Ross reveal raises numerous questions regarding the rest of the story, such as: Why in the hell would Cullum assign Jack to investigate Sidwell, Dalton, and Faison's final project if Cullum himself is pulling the strings? While acknowledging that this may yet develop into a satisfying story, I feel like Ross Cullum's arrival marks a major missed opportunity for the show. This should have been a real swing-for-the-fences moment — either by shocking us with a truly unexpected heel turn, or with the introduction of a really charismatic villain whose motivations and nefarious ambitions could keep them coming back to wreak havoc for years to come. For me, this Cullum cat just isn't cutting it.
Fresh Blood for the Scarecrow
Now that I've complained about Cullum, I guess I should talk about how and when we met the guy, right? He arrived at an embarrassing yet opportune moment for Pascal, who found himself looking at the wrong end of his own gun after Anna tricked him into thinking she'd had a polycythemia vera-induced fainting spell. Just as she was about to haul ass out of her cell, Cullum sneaked up behind her and choked her out, without so much as a wrinkle in his suit to show for it. Emotionally, however, Cullum was genuinely ruffled. As he later told Sidwell, he isn't happy with Pascal's performance, nor does he think it's a particularly bright idea to keep Anna on Spoon Island — all the more so because Sidwell had a new state-of-the-art lab built there, in order to give Britt a place to further Dalton's research while under their watchful eyes. Cullum's worried about having Anna locked up so close to Britt's new workplace, which makes sense — and which is why, after she was returned to her cell unconscious, they doped her up with drugs that made her think she was getting a blood treatment from Obrecht (which was a pretty nice fakeout for the viewers, really) and then moved on to the "next phase," which entailed putting a lit tiparillo in an ashtray and terrifying Anna with the sound of Faison's voice coming in over a loudspeaker. I remain mixed regarding all this Faison business. There's no denying he was a cool character, but there had also better not be any denying the fact that he's dead. I do think it's neat that they really got Anders Hove to record those lines, but I also think they'd be better off coming up with strong new villains rather than leaning on our memories of one whose ghostly presence mostly underscores the fact that the show needs another villain who's half as compelling as he was. There's a difference between building on the past and simply recycling it, and I'm afraid we're watching the latter. I don't see how this is going to set up great stories for the future, nor do I see how it can take Anna anywhere new. For something that took so damn long to get where it is now, that's profoundly disappointing. What I do like, though, is Valentin getting into the mix. After deducing that Sidwell was interested in his particular set of skills — and deciding he might have some use for Sidwell as well — Valentin skulked off to Spoon Island last week, and was busy nosing around Wyndemere when he was caught by Ava. These scenes were a hell of a lot of fun; as I've mentioned before, I really like Valentin when he's in rakish DGAF mode, and Maura West is screen chemistry personified. Watching them cat-and-mouse each other for information made me excited for a world where this storyline ends up putting the two of them in cahoots. For now, Ava seems to have the upper hand. Valentin bluffed her, pretending to be on the island with Sidwell's blessing, but Ava quickly called it, straight up asking Sidwell if he thought it was a good idea to be helping Valentin evade the WSB. Somewhat surprisingly, Sidwell immediately confessed that he wasn't working with Valentin at all, and had no idea he'd even been on the island — but now that he does know, that spells certain trouble for Charlotte, who'll doubtless be used as a pawn to force Valentin into doing his bidding. In a world where James Patrick Stuart is available for a contract role, I'd be envisioning a story arc that sees Valentin freeing Anna, being exonerated, and starting a new romantic chapter with the love of his life, but I think we're all prepared to see Valentin vanish again at the end of all this, if not sooner. Alas; in the meantime, I'm looking forward to seeing what sort of impact is left by his presence in this corner of the canvas. And before we leave this corner and talk about other stuff, we should circle back to Brennan. Valentin's recon mission at Wyndemere ended with him getting busted; Carly, on the other hand, handled hers like a pro. Sent by Valentin to search Brennan's room for incriminating material, she found — and took pictures of — some papers pulled from an envelope that had been hidden under a drawer. More importantly, she was in the room when Britt accosted Brennan just outside the door, giving her enough time to run into the bathroom and change into a bathrobe, giving her plausible deniability when he eventually caught her. (Well, it wasn't very plausible. She didn't look like she'd been taking a shower at all. But I don't think Brennan is a very good spy, so it was probably just as plausible as it needed to be.) While she was lurking, Carly heard Britt tell Brennan that his plan to have her funnel information from Sidwell's lab wouldn't work; she also heard Britt say Sidwell wanted her to finish her work on Spoon Island. For whatever reason, Valentin wasn't impressed with the photos of the papers, but all the information Carly was able to obtain left him thoroughly convinced that whatever Sidwell's hiding, it's on the island. Finally, while Carly and Valentin were talking about Sidwell, Brennan was meeting with Cullum, who showed up at his hotel room in a huff and said he'd been sent by the WSB directorate to "correct" Brennan's recent tendency to withhold information. This basically amounted to five minutes of two extremely uptight guys acting pissy with each other, which wasn't very interesting, but we now know that Brennan doesn't trust Cullum, and we also know that Cullum thinks Brennan's dumb enough to fall for a ruse about Anna willfully abandoning her WSB mission because she's cuckoo when it comes to Faison. Separately, Brennan and Cullum aren't super interesting; together, they're deadly dull.The Verdict
The other big story of the week, of course, was the conclusion of Willow's trial. We now know that she is in fact quite guilty — and so does Alexis, thanks to Trina and Kai, who went to her office and confessed all in a desperate bid to get her to tank the case or turn Willow in. Alexis explained that it wouldn't be that simple, and also that they'd both be opening themselves up to charges of their own if they revealed what they knew and how they knew it; she also minimized the odds of Willow's actual guilt, pointing out that a ringtone wouldn't be enough to convict anybody. Still, after Trina and Kai left her office, Alexis checked Willow's phone records and dialed the number that called her at the time of the shooting — and was promptly anguished when Wiley picked up. Needing counsel, Alexis turned to Diane, who sternly told her to keep her big yap shut, pointing out that the best-case scenario would be that she'd lose access to Scout, and the worst would be another disbarment. In the end, Alexis looked out for her own interests, delivering a closing argument that — with the exception of one slip of the tongue, which was definitely noticed by Nina — made a perfectly reasonable case for her client's innocence. I won't bore you with preamble: The jury delivered a verdict of not guilty. This is pretty much what most of us figured would happen, and it's the best decision the writers could have made, in terms of making Willow the shooter as well as letting her go free. She's a much more interesting character now, and on top of that, she's in a situation where she's married to and living with the guy she shot. What remains weird and unsatisfying for me is the near-total lack of a window into how Willow's feeling about virtually anything. She has no confidantes; the closest anyone comes is Nina, and Willow hasn't confessed to her yet. Without anyone to talk to about this, she's a closed box — which can be good for puzzles, but those are only entertaining for so long. Willow going free puts an attempted murderer in Drew's bed, at a moment when a number of storm clouds seem to be gathering on the horizon for the congressman. When he barged into the Quartermaines' to try and bluster his way out of the court order Tracy filed to get the family's possessions back, he found himself on the wrong end of a shotgun wielded by Olivia — and instantly abandoned by Martin, whose rank cowardice can be counted on in basically any situation. When he tried to have celebratory sex with Willow, she used laundry as an excuse to avoid his slimy touch and made an ick face behind his back. When he wasn't around to hear it, Sidwell told Jordan that Drew appears to be nearing the end of his usefulness and may need to be replaced by a different local politician. And when he went to court to hear Willow's verdict, he was unhappy to see Kai shaking Michael's hand after saying Michael didn't deserve the things Drew said about him on the stand. We appear to be heading for a period in which Drew goes from a series of mustache-twirling moments to a period of stepping on rakes, which is great; I only hope the writers aren't planning to try and redeem him after he's humbled. I would much rather see Drew and Michael duke it out for years, Palmer and Adam style, both of them nursing old grudges while building new ones as they go. As far as I'm concerned, that type of long-running animus is the real gift waiting to be delivered from Drew's devolution into a spiteful jackass; the sooner Sidwell has him removed from office, the better. He does need some actual allies, though, as well as a love interest who's just as capable of being underhanded. Hey, who knows — maybe after Willow humiliates him, he'll end up in a love triangle with Britt and Jason. On that unlovely note, I leave you with your weekly bullets! See you next time.- After a brief misunderstanding that left Cody vowing to never speak to Molly again, she rushed to the stables and confessed she wants to be his girlfriend, which had better be the last time this promising couple acts like a couple of 12-year-olds
- Ned reluctantly told the family that Drew left him on the ground outside Bobbie's during his heart attack
- Yuri made a 30-second appearance
- Tracy realized that Martin's the one who eavesdropped on her and Michael, but Laura quickly put the kibosh on the latest round of their feud, getting both of them to agree to let bygones be bygones
- Jacinda revealed to Wiley that she's a gamer who had 5,000 Twitch followers at one point
- When Nina urged Willow to file for divorce as soon as she's exonerated, Willow ominously assured Nina that she and Drew are "far from finished"
- Dante accused Brennan of tampering with the traffic camera footage putting Willow near Drew's house the night of the shooting, but Turner thinks Chase is the most likely suspect
- Marco popped by General Hospital to threaten Britt
- Elizabeth continued to be ignored and wasted by the writers
- Brad made an adorable but vain attempt to convince Jason to stay away from Britt
- Alexis and Sonny had a heart to heart about her implicating Michael in her defense of Willow
- James skated too fast and hit his head so Lulu and Nathan could continue being chem-tested
- Gio and Emma, who remain adorable, spent their first night together
- Tracy asked Chase if he was cheating on Brook Lynn, which led to Brook Lynn admitting that she thinks Willow is taking advantage of Chase's kindness
- Speaking of acting like 12-year-olds, Jason and Britt went on a date to the axe-throwing place, and bet that the loser owed the winner a kiss
- Vaughn was mentioned twice in one episode, making me very uneasy
- Liesl and Britt patched things up
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