To a large degree, soaps depend on consistency and repetition. We see the same characters in the same environments, day after day, and over time, that develops into the sense of place that makes these oh-so-fictional towns feel like home. If you've watched daytime long enough, I'm sure you can remember the feeling of being "inside" a particular set that doesn't exist anymore, and I think these are some of the strongest anchors that tie fans to their favorite soaps.
Of course, all that consistency and repetition can start to feel a little stale sometimes, too, and one of the ways daytime dramas have acted to mitigate that sort of inevitable boredom is to periodically dream up a character or event that suddenly shakes things up. Boom, there's a secret underground city in your town! Pow, your husband has a secret twin living in the attic! Crash, an alien just flew his spaceship into the freaking garage! (I will never let this one go.) It's kind of a silly device, or at least it's frequently used in somewhat silly ways, but it's also frequently fun — and it's led to some of the medium's most beloved storylines.
I don't think anything that happened last week will launch a classic General Hospital arc or character, but you never know; point is, I felt some of that classic goofball energy pulsing through the show when Chase and Brook Lynn abruptly tumbled ass over elbow into a whole new storyline. And there were even bigger surprises in store, too — including a series of scenes that left me quite unexpectedly giving a damn about Josslyn Jacks in the WSB. Boom! Let's dive in.
Charlie's Rises from the Ashes
The week kicked off with Kristina leading Michael and Jacinda into the brand new Charlie's. If you're confused by this, well, so was Jacinda; as she pointed out, it seems like just yesterday that Kristina was telling everyone that it was impossible to rebuild the pub. So what changed? Well, apparently, offscreen and unbeknownst to everyone, Sonny "stepped in" to bring about Charlie's 2.0.
Michael was there for all of two minutes before Dante called and asked him to come down to the station, so it ended up not being much of a tour. The real reasons for the sudden reintroduction of Charlie's were twofold: One, because after singing "Happy Birthday" to Kai, everyone has decided Trina should pursue a singing career, and she needed a place to agree to perform during the next open mic night; and two, because Sonny and Turner needed a safe place where they could finally succumb to their passio — excuse me, I'm going to be sick.
Yep, in addition to being a little more upscale, the new Charlie's also comes with a studio apartment upstairs. Sonny said he had it built in case Kristina needs a place to lie down after closing the bar at 4AM, but it also comes in handy as a pied-à-terre for her disgusting old man and whichever far-too-young brunette he happens to be whisper-wooing. After agreeing it could only happen once, Sonny and Turner scampered up, did their thing mercifully entirely offscreen, and then talked about how it could never happen again.
I'm sure we'll be seeing that studio apartment a lot in the near future.
As for Trina and open mic night at Charlie's, I mostly just feel bad for Tabyana Ali, who has a lovely singing voice, but happens to be playing a character who has far more interesting things she could be doing. I am also reminded (yet again) of my interview with Timothy J. Stickney for the One Life to Live book:
They always make Black people sing, so I came in as a badass — hard, hard, hard. Before my first year was out, they wanted me to be singing for different reasons. I was like, “Here’s the thing. Yes, I can sing -- it says so on my resume. But R.J. can’t sing.” I’m playing a character, and when I was making him up, I decided that’s part of who he was. Because I knew every Black character on daytime had to sing at some point, and the worst thing I could imagine was that the villain I was crafting, who I knew would become a nicer guy over time because that’s just how episodic television works, would end up singing a spiritual to Bo over his deathbed. I knew it would happen if I let him sing. So every time they gave me a bit for R.J. to sing, I would do it badly — so off-key. I scuttled every single song they gave me to sing, even “Happy Days Are Here Again.” It was so bad that I heard people were using the clip for their “you’ve got mail” sound.
The more things change, the more they stay the same, right?
You're Getting a Baby! And You're Getting a Baby! And YOU'RE Getting a Baby!
The GH writers had babies on the brain last week. In addition to the ongoing saga of Portia's pregnancy, we learned that Jordan thinks she might be pregnant too — which would put Curtis solidly in the running behind Sonny for the title of most prolific male lead of the last 25 years. Jordan hasn't told Curtis yet, but she did invite him to move in with her after he abruptly decided to give his half of the house to Portia. Lots of lingering shots of the pregnancy test in her purse led me to believe this is something she'll be secretly worried about for a least a little while. I hope I'm wrong, because just like with Trina, there are so many more interesting things this character could and should be doing.
The big baby news of the week, however, was (ahem) delivered while Chase and Brook Lynn stopped to coo at each other on their way to a wine bar and she suddenly noticed a pregnant woman lying on the sidewalk a few feet away. When they woke her up, she told them her name was Delilah — and that's pretty much the only thing she was able to share before she started crying out in pain, was rushed to GH, and passed away while giving birth to a baby girl. The fact that all this happened so suddenly, and so soon after Chase and Brook Lynn decided they wanted to get serious about adoption… man, what are the odds, huh? Wow!
Nothing like this happens without a reason on a soap, and we've all seen enough variations on this story to have a vague, basic feel for what's coming next. Lots of people noticed that Delilah had a distinctive tattoo on her wrist, which is undoubtedly a link to whatever trouble is lurking on the horizon for Chase and Brook Lynn after they inevitably end up taking the baby in. I have no idea where this will lead, but it can hardly be less compelling than anything else these two have been involved in lately, so I'm looking forward to seeing it develop. At least for now.
Willow Wheels and Deals
I know some of you have gotten to the point where it's impossible to enjoy anything involving Drew, and while I can empathize to an extent, I'm really loving this new phase of his existence, which consists of him being forced to stare in mute anger, horror, or confusion while other characters make him see or hear things that make him desperately unhappy. Last week, this involved Drew being strapped into a wheelchair and used as a prop for Willow's first photoshoot as a congresswoman; when it was over, the photographer even thanked Willow and Laura for their time, but completely ignored Drew. The closer this edges to Weekend at Bernie's-style physical comedy, the more I love it.
Anyway, Temporary Recast Ezra showed up to try and put the squeeze on Willow, not-so-subtly mentioning that he's a huge donor who'd love to help her get settled in. His speech was run off the rails by Laura, who suggested that the voters might not share his enthusiasm for Sidwell's input. After the two of them exited (and bickered a bit in the hall about whether Laura's doing anyone any favors by trying to obstruct Sidwell's plans), Willow strode about her office while she told Drew that although this whole plan only started because she wanted her kids back, her new political appointment was a far better use of her time. We're still only being granted access to Willow's true thoughts in very limited dribs and drabs, which is frustrating, but we are seeing early hints of the new take-no-prisoners version of this character, which I like.
We're also seeing potential hints of how it might end. Kai started the week at the PCPD, where Nathan, Dante, and Turner questioned him about whether Michael could have had a key to Drew's house. Kai proved to be about as helpful as you might expect, which led to a speedy end to the interview, which in turn led to everyone deciding that the investigation into Drew's shooting is now officially a cold case. This would seem to me to be the sort of case that the DA's office would shelve very reluctantly — you don't just give up on trying to figure out who tried to kill a congressman — but I think we can all agree to let this one slide without further comment, given that it means we don't have to watch the cops fumble any further leads. Drew and Willow are much more entertaining now, so all's well that ends well.
Anyway, after visiting with the police, Kai went to Willow's office, where he casually mentioned that he thought the investigation into Michael had hit a dead end. He also said he figured his internship was being terminated because Willow would want her own people, but she told him she wanted him to stick around. Trina was horrified when he told her he'd agreed to stay on; his excuse was that he feels obligated to keep an eye on Drew and Willow. The clear implication here is that Kai, who has shown no sign of being subtle or intuitive enough to investigate anything more complicated than a Monday morning crossword puzzle, will give himself away to the wrong person at the wrong time, and end up paying the ultimate price. While I wish for nothing but the best for Jens Austin Astrup in life, I can't imagine that many people will miss his character. Let us pray that Trina's grieving is mercifully brief.
Ain't No Party Like a Sidwell Party
Last week, we also spent a few minutes at Wyndemere, where Marco tried to steal Britt's meds from the safe in the study, but was foiled when Sidwell entered the room before he could get away. Explaining he was taking Pascal's turn because Pascal and Britt hate each other, Marco could only watch in frustration as Sidwell took the meds, put them back in the safe, and reminded him that Britt isn't calling the shots and it doesn't matter what she wants. At this point, we knew we were looking at a Chekov's safe situation, so it came as no surprise when Carly arrived, had some chit-chat with Sidwell about him hosting a party so their families could get to know each other better, and then searched the room after Sidwell stepped out to take a call.
Did Carly find the safe, hidden behind a painting? You know she did! But did she find it moments before someone else entered the room? Again: You know it. Much to my delight, she was interrupted by Ava, who sashayed in just a split second too late to catch Carly covering her tracks. They sniped at each other for a little while, Sidwell returned and invited Ava to the party, and just like that, we have ourselves a big ol' multi-character get-together in the works. With Carly, Lucas, Marco, and Joss all on the guest list, it'll be a race to the finish to find out who'll get the safe unlocked first. (Hilariously, Carly instantly guessed the combination would have to be Marco's birthday, and was in the middle of doing a social media search for it when Ava walked in. If she turns out to be right, we can never take Sidwell seriously again.)
While Carly focused on taking down Sidwell, Jason and Britt set their sights on Cullum, who is clearly here as the catalyst for Brennan's redemption. Brennan spent the week running around trying and failing to get people to tell him things he wanted to hear — starting with Jason, who he happened to catch during one of his rare bean-counting shifts at the coffee warehouse. Saying he wanted some "off-the-record intel" on what Jason and Cullum talked about in Brennan's office the week before, he mostly just got yelled at, although Jason did say Cullum appears to have no knowledge of Joss' WSB status, and was only interested in what Jason knew about Britt's activities at the Five Poppies.
From there, Brennan made his way to Britt's office, where he surprised her, accused her of avoiding him, and then stared blankly as she erupted, warning that he's in way over his head before dropping the bomb that Cullum is a double agent who's in league with Sidwell. Finally seeing what's been right in front of his face the entire time, Brennan called an overseas office and pulled Cullum's travel itineraries and expense reports for the last three years, which really seems like the kind of thing someone in his position shouldn't be able to do without raising a bunch of red flags, but whatever. As we've discussed here before, every character is only ever as smart and/or capable as the writers need them to be at any given moment. Which leads us to…
Little Josslyn Jacks, All Grown Up. And a Bona Fide WSB Agent to Boot
Valentin has been hiding out in Carly's attic for months, and no one's seen or heard a shred of evidence that would give him away. But Joss was alone in Carly's kitchen for ten minutes last week before she heard a suspicious thump from upstairs, which sent her barreling into the attic with her gun drawn, which led to her kneeing him in the crotch, pistol-whipping him in the face, and tying him up — only to be interrupted by Carly walking in.
As with all things Joss/WSB-related, silliness abounds here, not the least of which being the way we saw Joss walking into Carly's attic through a regular-ass bedroom door. Have none of the writers ever been in an attic? Then there's also the ridiculous idea that a supposed "Level 5 threat" would be so easily incapacitated and detained by Agent Ponytail here. But throw all that stuff out the window, because it doesn't matter at all — at least not compared to the fireworks display that erupted after Carly caught Joss in WSB mode.
A couple of columns ago, I said that Lucas and Marco's relationship was the only thing giving the Sidwell/Five Poppies story any sort of emotional stakes. I was wrong. It took a very long time for us to get here, but the Joss/Carly confrontation added another emotional cornerstone by throwing their separate but intertwined motivations into stark relief. Sarcastically asking whether Joss intended to shoot her own mother, Carly unloaded on her daughter, questioning how she could have lied to her face while leading a secret life of danger. Joss didn't give an inch, repeatedly asserting that she's an adult who can make her own decisions. Carly yelled that Joss could be killed; Joss yelled that Carly could end up spending decades in prison.
This conversation was always going to be interesting, simply by virtue of the fact that the secrets between Carly and Joss have been festering for so long. These scenes were elevated, though, by all the heat and heart that Eden McCoy and Laura Wright brought to them. It's been so long since McCoy was asked to lift any real dramatic weight that I'd almost forgotten she could do something like this.
The fact that McCoy has been in the role for a decade added real emotional weight to Joss' argument with Carly, because when she finally blurted out that she joined the Bureau in order to take down Sonny and everyone like him, you were watching the actor who's lived with Joss' Sonny-induced pain for all those years. Later, when she confronted Jason for spilling her secret to Carly, the conversation was a lot more poignant because Joss was able to remind Jason that he joined Sonny's organization when he was the same age she is now. You only get that kind of thing when you're watching the work of actors who've been able to accrue years of history with their characters. That being said, if the writers intend to continue down this path with Joss, then I think it's time to confront the reality that she's outgrown McCoy's ability to play the character convincingly. She isn't intimidating, she isn't believable as a physical or intellectual threat to anyone, and most of the time, her attempts to convey those qualities only come across as adolescent petulance. Rumor has it McCoy is on her way out, which could be just the opening the show needs to give Joss her Rory Gibson moment.
After having it out with Carly, Joss told her she had 24 hours to get Valentin out of the house before she turned him in. When she stormed out, Valentin — who'd long since freed himself from his restraints and tiptoed downstairs to eavesdrop — was there to put his hand on her shoulder and listen while Carly cried about all the mistakes she's made and how now they're returning to haunt her. He listened quietly but intensely, like only Valentin can, and the closer his voice dropped to a whisper, the clearer it became that we were in the process of watching a new couple's official launch. Sure enough, in the episode's closing moments, Carly told Valentin he should run before Joss returned, Valentin vowed he wasn't going to leave Carly, she laid a kiss on him, and before you could say "Mikkosovich," they were naked and writhing around in her bed.
I know a lot of you are repulsed by this pairing, and I understand your reasons. As I've said before, however, there's just too much chaotic potential here for me to resist: Everyone in town will have a reason to hate this, and the fallout should be delicious. The only wild card is James Patrick Stuart's part-time availability, but I'm still hopeful. Who'll catch them in bed first?
That'll do it for the big stuff. Enjoy your bullets, and I'll meet you back here next week!
- Despite his protestations to the contrary, Tracy doubted that Chase has truly given up on his quest to prove Michael guilty, and she told Ned that Willow is more manipulative than she seems
- Danny got busted for trashing the gatehouse and skipping school six times, but Jason let him leave to meet Charlotte for a secret second-cousin smooch session anyway
- Confronted by Tracy and Alexis over his appalling parenting, Jason surprised them by saying he needs to choose between which of them will be Danny's guardian of something happens to him
- Marco told Joss that Carly's had a change of heart regarding Sidwell, which made her immediately suspicious
- Britt and Elizabeth bonded after Delilah died giving childbirth, with Britt admitting, ""I might find you insufferable, but I can see why patients might find you reassuring"
- Felicia spotted Nathan and Lulu kissing, and gave Lulu a stern talking-to; in response, Lulu told Felicia that Maxie doesn't get to have Spinelli and Nathan
- Thanks to Kai's advice, Gio decided to make Fizz an emotional support animal in order to avoid risking the wrath of Anna's HOA
- Using her magical magazine editor powers, Nina got Liesl invited to a medical conference in New Zealand so she'll stop harassing Nathan about Maxie
- After Lulu confessed her involvement with Nathan to Maxie, Maxie refused to give them her blessing
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